Level Up

The first of January, I started reading the Bible in chronological order. Starting in Genesis with creation through Noah and the flood. Then it jumps to the book of Job. Let me just say that I was following a reading plan from Bible Gateway that would take me through three to four scriptures a day. Have you ever read the book of Job? There are 42 chapters, 37 of which depict his physical and emotional suffering, and the less than constructive words of his well meaning, dreadfully misguided friends. As I read according to the plan, I found myself so discouraged right along with Job. I could almost feel his anguish. Then, I would stop after three chapters, and come back the next day to feel it all over again. As strange as this may sound, I started to decline right along with Job. OK, I'm sure I have no idea what Job actually suffered, but I found myself just empty after reading everyday. So, today, I read through about 20 chapters and finished the book. The more I read, the more I knew I needed to keep reading because once I got through all of Job's bitter account, and after wading through all of his friends two cents worth of bad advice, I knew God was going to set all things straight. I knew eventually, if I didn't stop reading, as tedious as it was to process all of the words and accusations and grasping at straws, of everyone trying to figure out why Job was passing through this horrible life of heartache, agony, ridicule, and reading the words of Job himself despising the day of his birth, wishing he could just go to his grave, I just knew God would speak. I reached chapter 38, and read the words I had longed to hear, "Then the LORD answered Job..." YES! There it was. Finally, I had reached the mountain top!

I am still amazed that it was actually God who initiated the whole deal with the devil, and suggested Job be the target of Satan's next attempted demise. It's so easy to blame the devil for everything, and don't get me wrong, I am sure that Satan loved every minute of the torture he was allowed to inflict on Job, but that's just it-GOD allowed him to do it. While Job was living "the good life" on one level, here was this conversation in the heavenlies, a battle for devotion, a holy wager, if you will, going on in a place completely unbeknownst to Job. Then, as if out of nowhere, he was blindsided by the deaths of all his children, losing everything he had and becoming so sick, so detestable that even his closest friends had to sit with him a whole week before daring to utter a single word because his suffering was so great. (And I whine when I break a nail.) Perhaps even more amazing is the fact that throughout this period of Job's devastation, not once did he take the advice of his wife to "Curse God and die". (Interesting wife...a whole other lesson there!) Would I have been so strong? I hope so, but until you are faced with it, no one really knows. I do know that I have sat in the seat, as Job did, while people's accusations flew, knowing they had no idea of that which they spoke, and had to bite my tongue and just trust that there was some purpose in all that I had experienced.

After all was said and done, I think one of the most powerful things that came from Jobs mouth was found in Chapter 42:5-6 that says, "My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you. Therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes.” Wow. Even though Job, in his own eyes had not caused all of this to come upon him through any sin or wrongdoing, once his eyes were opened and he saw God with spiritual eyes, he knew that even his righteousness was as filthy rags compared to the righteousness of God. At that moment, Job no longer thought it important to defend himself against false accusations. All that mattered was that the Most Holy God was there in all His glory, and suddenly the tiny piety that Job might had an inkling of seconds before suddenly melted away like wax in the presence of the great I AM. This excerpt of passage taught me two very valuable lessons:

1. No matter what good I do, compared to the goodness of God it's nothing, so get over it and stop feeling so puffed up over it.
2. God lives on a totally different level than I spend most of my time, even though I am doing "good" things.

The amazing truth is that God wants us to join him on his level, see things with the spiritual eyes that we were created to use, and experience God's kingdom here on earth. The sad truth is that most of the time I am content right where I am, rely far too much on these physical defective eyes, and settle for the "way less than satisfying earth's system" of living. I am thankful it doesn't have to be this way, and when I passionately seek God, He will be found. Another important lesson that can be taken from this passage is that no matter how bad our situation is, how much we seem to be suffering, how far gone we feel, God will always speak, eventually. If we can just hold on, and press through and not give up, He will talk to us. It might not be when we think he should and it might not be in the way we would do it, but in His way and His time, he promises that if we call on Him, he will answer. Holding that thought in the foreground of our mind, and seeking Him wholeheartedly, we will have momentum to keep on and not give up.

From the Inside Out

Today was a monumental day-the crib is gone. For over two years, my sweet little girl has spent just about every sleeping moment in that crib. I finished cleaning out her room, and getting her "big girl bed" made with her freshly laundered linens. She tried out her new bed at nap time. It took her forever to settle down, but finally she drifted off and I snuck out of the room. A couple hours later, I heard her stirring and jabbering. I wondered what she would do, since it was the first time she had the ability to get out of bed herself. After about five minutes, I sent my middle son (who was dying to go in and see what his sister was doing) in to her room. To my surprise, she wasn't even out of the bed. With all the toys in her room, and stuffed animals to pretend with, she decided to stay right there in her bed. It was as though there were still crib walls surrounding her, and she didn't even attempt to get out. In her mind, I guess she was still the little baby who needed someone to lift her out of the crib.

When Luis and I moved to Arizona, we physically picked up everything and left. We didn't just change our surroundings, but also the way we viewed our marriage. We left all the defeated labels back in Beaufort, all the nay saying remarks that doomed our relationship, all the misguided words that did nothing to build up. We realized that true change meant that we had to change from the inside out. Only then, would the change be long lasting. Only then would we be an invincible team, and with God, a three strand cord that is not easily broken. (Ecclesiastes 4:12)

On the contrary, there are so many people who live just like my sweet girl in her bed. They change their hair style, wardrobe, zip code...sometimes even their spouse, but they still look at everything with the same eyes as before. Consequently, even when freedom is well within their grip, the imaginary walls of pride, stagnant status quo attitudes and preconceived notions are their mental jail. Even though everything has changed all around them, they themselves are still just the same. All the effort expelled to make the gigantic life alterations only amounted to wasted energy, time and money. Same old attitudes. Same old problems. Same old everything.

Thank you Lord, that you desire to change us from the inside out. You are more concerned with our heart, and its condition than what we wear, where we live or what our net worth amounts to. The funny thing is, when the change comes from the inside, all the other external areas change with time for the better. Two for the price of one-I'll take it!

Just had to add this picture from tonight. Lily fell asleep right away! (Looks like Barney is enjoying his new bed as well!)

Expecting

First and foremost, no we are not expecting...but my sister-in-law is, and any day now. We just got home from a wonderful visit with Luis's family in Hampton. David's wife is expecting her second baby, and it brought me back to the days right before I delivered my own three little ones. I remember wondering how it was all going to work out, worrying about all the details, dreading the actual labor. And how, with each pregnancy, God had made such a wonderful plan and put people in our path who were so supportive. I remember being pregnant in Arizona with my oldest. Scared to death of the delivery. The only one that might have been more nervous than me was Luis. When Josh arrived, so did my parents 4 hours later. Mom gave me a crash course in Babies 101, Dad was there for moral support and to love on us. It was more perfect than I could have imagined. Then, when I was getting close to have Jonathan, my friend (who just happened to be my boss and an RN) sat with me through contractions, and then in the waiting room with Josh during delivery. She was my angel sent from God, and I was so blessed to have her with us. When Lily was to be born, I was back in South Carolina, living close to my sister Mary Beth. She kept close tabs on me and my progress and was ready at a moments notice for the big event. It meant so much to me to have Mary Beth and my niece Ali there. Lily made a perfect entrance on a Sunday, when Mary Beth didn't have to work, midday so I didn't have to wake anyone, and she was able to be with our boys while I delivered Lily. Each time was perfectly orchestrated. All my worrying and fussing amounted to nothing more than a lot of wasted energy, and God worked everything out perfectly. As I spent these past few days with my sister-in-law, I saw that troubled, fearful look in her eyes. I think it's pretty normal to feel that way before you are about to give birth. I remember one of my midwives said to me that she could tell if a woman was in real labor or not by a certain look in her eyes. It's funny how we all react when we are expecting something. Be it a child, a report from a doctor or how the New Year will unfold, expectation comes in many degrees. When we walk with the Lord, our expectations are able to be so much more positive.  No longer do we need to dread a result, or fear the worst in a situation, but we can rest in knowing that the God of the universe already knows the outcome of our situation, and has already made a way for us to walk through it. What a great relief to know we are not alone in our decisions, our difficulties or even out disasters.

I have a great expectation for 2012. To be honest, I have no idea what is coming our way, nevertheless, I am so excited for it to come. Even with of all the craziness of life in 2011 with the economy at a low, job markets slowing to a trickle, and people cutting back everywhere you look, it was a very good year for us in so many ways. Luis and I celebrated our 15th anniversary yesterday, reflecting on all that God has done on our behalf, despite all the battles we faced from day one. We look at our three beautiful children who are now 10, 6 and 2, and wonder what in the world we did to deserve such great kids, only to realize that they are just precious gifts from above. This, our second year in a house we really love, still in awe of all God did to make it possible for us to be where we are today. So, with a heart overflowing with thankfulness and expectation, I wait, somewhat impatiently, to see where the Parra Voyages will set sail next. Can't wait to see it all unfold, and blog it all to the glory of God. Thanks for coming along on the journey with me.

Christmas Morning

Christmas has been so fun with the kids. They were blessed with so many presents from grandparents and aunts (thanks again everyone!) Jonathan had grown so much in the last year that he was starting to look like one of those circus clowns riding a tiny bike. The last few weeks, he had been borrowing Joshua's bike, even though it was too big for him, and with much protest from Josh. Here's a video of Jon finding his new bike on Christmas morning. (Sorry Mom, I know you can't watch this.)

They have turned into Wii zombies with their new games:Toy Story Mania (in 3-D, thus the glasses) and Lego Star Wars 3...

Lily has been cooking up a storm in her new "My Little Kitchen" that I was up until past midnight on Christmas Eve putting together-it's amazing there were no left over pieces and it actually looks like the picture because I needed toothpicks to keep my eyelids open. It made me remember the year that Luis stayed up late putting together a motorized go cart for Josh in Arizona. Ahhh, the things we do for our little munchkins.

It was a great holiday, just short of perfect because I wasn't with my extended family but phones and skype help make my loved one seem close. Hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas. Next stop, Hampton to see both sides of our South Carolina family, and then the New Years bash at Redemption-can't wait!

It's hard to believe another season of decorations, hiding presents and spelling out words so Lily doesn't know what we are talking about is coming to a close, but it's wonderful that the peace of this season lingers all year long.

Shattered

A couple of day ago, I went shopping with the kids. As we strolled up and down the aisles, Josh reached for something off the shelf and accidentally knocked a piggy bank down, and broke it. He was immediately repentant, and really felt so badly about breaking it. He felt even worse when I told him to pick up the pieces and that we would have to pay for it. I could tell he was sorry and embarrassed, along with a whole flurry of other emotions that my sweet first born usually feels. As we approached the cashier, I could tell Josh was growing more uneasy, and he repeatedly apologized and told me how bad he felt that he did it. I reassured him that I understood that it was an accident and reminded him that he needed to be more careful in the stores. It came time for us to check out, and I placed the dismembered piggy in the cashier's hand, explained that we broke it, and prepared to pay for it. She turned to her manager standing behind her, who overheard the whole conversation. With a simple shake of the head, and a smile, the manager graciously decided to not make us pay for the bank. He thanked us for our honesty, took the pig and placed it under the counter. 

Mercy. A concept that is so difficult to teach with words, and even harder to practice when we are wronged. In a matter of minutes, my children learned what mercy was in a way they will never forget. What a great teaching moment for all of us. As we sat in the car on the way home, we talked about what had just happened. I talked with the boys about how we need to be just as quick to extend mercy to each other as that manager was to us.  What a great lesson learned, I thought to myself as I drove home.

It's funny how often times when we are involved in teaching our children a lesson, shortly thereafter, we are given the amazing opportunity to walk through that lesson ourselves. Enter, my beloved Honda Pilot.

It was a gloomy, overcast day, and the rain had been off and on all morning. Josh and Jonathan were outside with a neighbor girl, playing catch with a small plastic ball, which landed on the top of my car. Josh, forgetting our rule about climbing on the cars, pulled himself up from the hood to the top, lost his balance and came down with all his weight with his elbow on my windshield.  The neighbor came rushing to the door, and told me that Josh cracked the glass on my car. I walked out, already livid with the thought of having to pay for the repair. Here's what I saw:

 I am sure my face turned a lovely shade of magenta, and I immediately sent the neighbor home. I don't remember exactly what I said, but I do remember it was loud. I lost it, right there in my driveway. I am not sure if I was more angry that Josh disobeyed or that the damage was so vast. I didn't even ask Josh if he was hurt. I sent everyone in the house, and called the insurance company. Knowing we had a $500 deductible, I held my breath while the agent looked up the details on our policy. As he told me we had 100% glass coverage and no deductible, I let out a sigh of relief. I contacted a glass place, set up an appointment, and got everything squared away with surprising ease. After all was said and done, I hung up the phone and just sat at the table, and I heard a Voice that said, "Remind Joshua that you love him." I have grown to love that Voice, and I have learned, over time, to quickly obey it as well. Josh was in the living room on the couch, and I called to him. He turned to look at me, and I said, "Bud, even though I got really mad at you for disobeying the rule, and for what you did to the car, I still love you." He started to cry, telling me that because I was so angry he thought I didn't love him. I got the chance to remind him that no matter what he does, no matter how angry I might get, my love for him would never change. I remembered the piggy bank incident from the day before, and the mercy that was extended to us. Then I realized how I blew it when it came time for me to extend mercy to my own son, whom I love so dearly. Thankfully, it is never too late to make things right, and I was given the opportunity to fix it.

Mercy is a mysterious thing, that leads you through a gambit of emotions. This whole ordeal reminded me of how Jesus had the greatest mercy of all on each one of us. Instead of making us pay for our sins, as He had every right to do, He paid for them all, once and for all, and cancelled our enormous debt that we could never have sufficiently paid. We have all learned a valuable lesson over that last few days, and I'm sure that there will be other lessons over this long vacation for us to tackle. I am so thankful that the Lord's mercies are new every morning, and His faithfulness is great, even when ours is not.