I feel very strange on this, the eve of my 40th birthday. My children have been especially helpful in reminding me (daily) that my birthday is coming. Jonathan asked me today if I was going to wake up tomorrow with a head full of gray hair, and Josh asked me if cars were around when I was young. The other day, I took Lily to the doctor, and when the little girl that walked into the room introduced herself as Dr. Jones, I almost tripped over my jaw as it hit the floor. The only consolation is that Luis will always be 3 years older than me, something that I remind him of every chance I get (haha). I remember thinking when I was young, that 40 was ancient. Over the hill. The beginning of the end. Now that the minutes are ticking by, I am starting to rethink my position on that stance. After all, I haven't even SEEN a hill yet, and I still have more brunette than gray (and no, I have never colored my hair!). Alas, I must admit, reality is reality, and there is no denying the inevitable. Many times, I have encouraged my friends and family who have preceded me in reaching this milestone by saying that 40 is just a number, and you are only as old as you feel. Well, now that the shoe is on the other foot, I have to say it isn't so comforting when 40 is YOUR number, and I don't feel a day over...39.
But, all joking aside, it really doesn't bother me (too badly) about turning 40. I have to say that the last 10 years have been my sweetest, most fabulous yet, and I am expecting my 40s to be even better. I don't wish to be a teenager again. I don't even long for my college days, although they were exciting and life changing. My twenties were a blur, although some of the most important decisions of my life occurred between the ages of 22 and 25. So, all in all, I have to say, Dear 40, I look forward to all you have to offer. I welcome you with open arms, a few gray hairs, and a couple of wrinkles. I have a feeling this will be my best decade yet!
Monday, December 19, 2011
Pecan Epiphany
Today I sat for about an hour and shelled some pecans that we had gathered a month ago. It's a daunting task to shell pecans, and it's no wonder they cost about $10 per pound in the stores if you want them in halves. After the third nut that shattered in my hand, I went online to see if there was a better way to extract a worthy-sized nut from these wretched shells. There were various techniques I found that people swore by, but it seems like you have to just use trial and error until you get it. At about the half hour mark, I started to get the feel for how much pressure I needed to exert to crack the outer shell, yet keep the nut in one piece. Then, once I cracked it enough, I could wiggle the nut out of where it was nestled, and add it to my pile. As I cracked and cracked, I had a thought: Pecans are just like people. Not in the "nut" sense (although, there are a few of those, too!) but in the sense that each person has some sort of outer shell, that protects a treasure on the inside.
As I was cracking the pecans, some of them were so hard. Even with the force of a strong grip and a nut cracker, I was not able to make a single crack. This pecan reminded me of those people that have lived such difficult, rough lives, which have driven them to shut themselves out from the rest of the world. They figure if they put a tough enough barrier around them, they will never again feel the pain, disappointment or rejection that the world can, at times, so easily dish out.
Some of the pecans cracked with great ease. So much so, that in one squeeze of the nutcracker, the whole nut broken into hundreds of tiny pieces, and instead of trying to salvage each minuscule piece of pecan, I just discarded to whole thing and went on to the next one. It reminded me of people who are on the verge of a breakdown. So distraught and broken on the inside, that even normal, every day pressure is enough to shatter them completely.
Other pecans I cracked, revealed a nut inside that was shrivelled and dried up. Inedible, undesirable, and worn out. Ironically, those were the pecans that came out whole, but only because the dryness has caused them to shrink away from the shell and lose all their flavor.
On the rare occasion, I had just the right pressure, and technique, and I was able to hold a whole pecan in the palm of my hand. In my hour of cracking, I managed to get only four whole pecans.
Each pecan different, each result unique. Although every nut fell from the same tree, and from the outside surface appeared to be relatively similar, each nut inside had a its own individual character. Just as all of us are human, and seem to be somewhat similar on the outside, who we really are in the inside can vary so dramatically. As someone cracking nuts, I am able to be selective about what I save and what I discard. Whether I want to waste my time cracking shells or if I would rather let someone else do it for me, is my choice. As I sat and cracked, I kept thinking what a long time it was taking to get such small results. Often I wondered if it was even worth my effort at all. As a human, I have to admit, I sometimes feel the same way about relationships with people. Some are so difficult to handle, so hardened, that I wonder if I can even make a difference. I ponder whether I might even get hurt in the process. Others are so fragile, so delicate, that it's just a matter of moments before they break. Am I willing to be there to help pick up the pieces? Then there are those who are dry and withered and life has evaporated from them. There isn't anything that I, in my human abilities, could even do for them. And those that are whole, pleasing and pleasant seem to be so few and far between. In all of these situations, I, in myself, lack the ability, the strength and sometimes even the motivation to be willing to reach out to those around me. But I, as a child of God, with Holy Spirit power living on the inside of me, possess the tools, the technique and power to reach out to whomever God puts in my path, with effectiveness and love, transforming the hardest of hearts, the most delicate of souls, or the driest spirit. When we realize all that our Savior has done to redeem us, we are then, out of thankful hearts, able to bring the gift of redemption to others.
What a perfect picture of God's kingdom at work within us, touching the world around us, to bring God's realm from heaven to earth once again.
As I was cracking the pecans, some of them were so hard. Even with the force of a strong grip and a nut cracker, I was not able to make a single crack. This pecan reminded me of those people that have lived such difficult, rough lives, which have driven them to shut themselves out from the rest of the world. They figure if they put a tough enough barrier around them, they will never again feel the pain, disappointment or rejection that the world can, at times, so easily dish out.
Some of the pecans cracked with great ease. So much so, that in one squeeze of the nutcracker, the whole nut broken into hundreds of tiny pieces, and instead of trying to salvage each minuscule piece of pecan, I just discarded to whole thing and went on to the next one. It reminded me of people who are on the verge of a breakdown. So distraught and broken on the inside, that even normal, every day pressure is enough to shatter them completely.
Other pecans I cracked, revealed a nut inside that was shrivelled and dried up. Inedible, undesirable, and worn out. Ironically, those were the pecans that came out whole, but only because the dryness has caused them to shrink away from the shell and lose all their flavor.
On the rare occasion, I had just the right pressure, and technique, and I was able to hold a whole pecan in the palm of my hand. In my hour of cracking, I managed to get only four whole pecans.
Each pecan different, each result unique. Although every nut fell from the same tree, and from the outside surface appeared to be relatively similar, each nut inside had a its own individual character. Just as all of us are human, and seem to be somewhat similar on the outside, who we really are in the inside can vary so dramatically. As someone cracking nuts, I am able to be selective about what I save and what I discard. Whether I want to waste my time cracking shells or if I would rather let someone else do it for me, is my choice. As I sat and cracked, I kept thinking what a long time it was taking to get such small results. Often I wondered if it was even worth my effort at all. As a human, I have to admit, I sometimes feel the same way about relationships with people. Some are so difficult to handle, so hardened, that I wonder if I can even make a difference. I ponder whether I might even get hurt in the process. Others are so fragile, so delicate, that it's just a matter of moments before they break. Am I willing to be there to help pick up the pieces? Then there are those who are dry and withered and life has evaporated from them. There isn't anything that I, in my human abilities, could even do for them. And those that are whole, pleasing and pleasant seem to be so few and far between. In all of these situations, I, in myself, lack the ability, the strength and sometimes even the motivation to be willing to reach out to those around me. But I, as a child of God, with Holy Spirit power living on the inside of me, possess the tools, the technique and power to reach out to whomever God puts in my path, with effectiveness and love, transforming the hardest of hearts, the most delicate of souls, or the driest spirit. When we realize all that our Savior has done to redeem us, we are then, out of thankful hearts, able to bring the gift of redemption to others.
What a perfect picture of God's kingdom at work within us, touching the world around us, to bring God's realm from heaven to earth once again.
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Away in a Manger...
Lily is obsessed with the nativity I have placed on our fireplace mantle. Whenever someone brings attention to it, she says, "Look at Baby Jesus?" and holds up her arms for me to bring her up to see. Then, she doesn't want to get down. She wants to keep looking, and touching, and saying the names of all the figures, and touching it some more. I already had a casualty with a wise man...let's just say heads were rolling on that one...literally. Super glue is a wonderful thing. have no fear-the wise man once again has a good head on his shoulders. Today, after admiring the holy family for what seemed like an hour, I finally told Lily it was time for Baby Jesus to take His nap. What? He MUST have taken naps!
Saturday, December 3, 2011
Christmas Past
It's so much fun to look back at all of these pictures. I can't believe that Josh will be 10 years old in another month. Memories are so sweet. It's funny how when I look back, I only remember the good, for the most part. That's not to say there wasn't any bad, but I choose to remember the good instead. In general, life is that way. Every day, we are faced with a choice of how we will look at our life. Will we focus on the mistakes, let downs and disappointment that we have experienced, or will we make a choice to focus on all the blessings, victories and wonderful times that we have had? It's really easy to wallow in self pity and regret, but it's so much more enjoyable to do just the opposite. I am thankful that I have the ability to sift through life, and smile. God has been so gracious to us. Christmas is my favorite time to reflect on all that He has done for me and my family, and look forward with expectation to what He has in store.
Friday, December 2, 2011
The Necessity of an Enemy
“Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” — Jesus
Congratulations! Your Goliath Has Arrived.
Enemies often seem to get in the way of our plans, leaving us discouraged and disoriented. But what if these obstacles are a part of God’s plans for us?
Our enemies - whether our weaknesses, circumstances, deep-seated sins, other people, or any other challenge—can become our stepping stool to new breakthroughs in life, if we leverage the opportunity. Just as David’s encounter with Goliath transformed him from a delivery boy to a national hero, our enemies can be a blessing in disguise - if only we recognize and face them head-on.
Congratulations! Your Goliath Has Arrived.
Enemies often seem to get in the way of our plans, leaving us discouraged and disoriented. But what if these obstacles are a part of God’s plans for us?
Our enemies - whether our weaknesses, circumstances, deep-seated sins, other people, or any other challenge—can become our stepping stool to new breakthroughs in life, if we leverage the opportunity. Just as David’s encounter with Goliath transformed him from a delivery boy to a national hero, our enemies can be a blessing in disguise - if only we recognize and face them head-on.
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