Expecting

First and foremost, no we are not expecting...but my sister-in-law is, and any day now. We just got home from a wonderful visit with Luis's family in Hampton. David's wife is expecting her second baby, and it brought me back to the days right before I delivered my own three little ones. I remember wondering how it was all going to work out, worrying about all the details, dreading the actual labor. And how, with each pregnancy, God had made such a wonderful plan and put people in our path who were so supportive. I remember being pregnant in Arizona with my oldest. Scared to death of the delivery. The only one that might have been more nervous than me was Luis. When Josh arrived, so did my parents 4 hours later. Mom gave me a crash course in Babies 101, Dad was there for moral support and to love on us. It was more perfect than I could have imagined. Then, when I was getting close to have Jonathan, my friend (who just happened to be my boss and an RN) sat with me through contractions, and then in the waiting room with Josh during delivery. She was my angel sent from God, and I was so blessed to have her with us. When Lily was to be born, I was back in South Carolina, living close to my sister Mary Beth. She kept close tabs on me and my progress and was ready at a moments notice for the big event. It meant so much to me to have Mary Beth and my niece Ali there. Lily made a perfect entrance on a Sunday, when Mary Beth didn't have to work, midday so I didn't have to wake anyone, and she was able to be with our boys while I delivered Lily. Each time was perfectly orchestrated. All my worrying and fussing amounted to nothing more than a lot of wasted energy, and God worked everything out perfectly. As I spent these past few days with my sister-in-law, I saw that troubled, fearful look in her eyes. I think it's pretty normal to feel that way before you are about to give birth. I remember one of my midwives said to me that she could tell if a woman was in real labor or not by a certain look in her eyes. It's funny how we all react when we are expecting something. Be it a child, a report from a doctor or how the New Year will unfold, expectation comes in many degrees. When we walk with the Lord, our expectations are able to be so much more positive.  No longer do we need to dread a result, or fear the worst in a situation, but we can rest in knowing that the God of the universe already knows the outcome of our situation, and has already made a way for us to walk through it. What a great relief to know we are not alone in our decisions, our difficulties or even out disasters.

I have a great expectation for 2012. To be honest, I have no idea what is coming our way, nevertheless, I am so excited for it to come. Even with of all the craziness of life in 2011 with the economy at a low, job markets slowing to a trickle, and people cutting back everywhere you look, it was a very good year for us in so many ways. Luis and I celebrated our 15th anniversary yesterday, reflecting on all that God has done on our behalf, despite all the battles we faced from day one. We look at our three beautiful children who are now 10, 6 and 2, and wonder what in the world we did to deserve such great kids, only to realize that they are just precious gifts from above. This, our second year in a house we really love, still in awe of all God did to make it possible for us to be where we are today. So, with a heart overflowing with thankfulness and expectation, I wait, somewhat impatiently, to see where the Parra Voyages will set sail next. Can't wait to see it all unfold, and blog it all to the glory of God. Thanks for coming along on the journey with me.

Christmas Morning

Christmas has been so fun with the kids. They were blessed with so many presents from grandparents and aunts (thanks again everyone!) Jonathan had grown so much in the last year that he was starting to look like one of those circus clowns riding a tiny bike. The last few weeks, he had been borrowing Joshua's bike, even though it was too big for him, and with much protest from Josh. Here's a video of Jon finding his new bike on Christmas morning. (Sorry Mom, I know you can't watch this.)

They have turned into Wii zombies with their new games:Toy Story Mania (in 3-D, thus the glasses) and Lego Star Wars 3...

Lily has been cooking up a storm in her new "My Little Kitchen" that I was up until past midnight on Christmas Eve putting together-it's amazing there were no left over pieces and it actually looks like the picture because I needed toothpicks to keep my eyelids open. It made me remember the year that Luis stayed up late putting together a motorized go cart for Josh in Arizona. Ahhh, the things we do for our little munchkins.

It was a great holiday, just short of perfect because I wasn't with my extended family but phones and skype help make my loved one seem close. Hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas. Next stop, Hampton to see both sides of our South Carolina family, and then the New Years bash at Redemption-can't wait!

It's hard to believe another season of decorations, hiding presents and spelling out words so Lily doesn't know what we are talking about is coming to a close, but it's wonderful that the peace of this season lingers all year long.

Shattered

A couple of day ago, I went shopping with the kids. As we strolled up and down the aisles, Josh reached for something off the shelf and accidentally knocked a piggy bank down, and broke it. He was immediately repentant, and really felt so badly about breaking it. He felt even worse when I told him to pick up the pieces and that we would have to pay for it. I could tell he was sorry and embarrassed, along with a whole flurry of other emotions that my sweet first born usually feels. As we approached the cashier, I could tell Josh was growing more uneasy, and he repeatedly apologized and told me how bad he felt that he did it. I reassured him that I understood that it was an accident and reminded him that he needed to be more careful in the stores. It came time for us to check out, and I placed the dismembered piggy in the cashier's hand, explained that we broke it, and prepared to pay for it. She turned to her manager standing behind her, who overheard the whole conversation. With a simple shake of the head, and a smile, the manager graciously decided to not make us pay for the bank. He thanked us for our honesty, took the pig and placed it under the counter. 

Mercy. A concept that is so difficult to teach with words, and even harder to practice when we are wronged. In a matter of minutes, my children learned what mercy was in a way they will never forget. What a great teaching moment for all of us. As we sat in the car on the way home, we talked about what had just happened. I talked with the boys about how we need to be just as quick to extend mercy to each other as that manager was to us.  What a great lesson learned, I thought to myself as I drove home.

It's funny how often times when we are involved in teaching our children a lesson, shortly thereafter, we are given the amazing opportunity to walk through that lesson ourselves. Enter, my beloved Honda Pilot.

It was a gloomy, overcast day, and the rain had been off and on all morning. Josh and Jonathan were outside with a neighbor girl, playing catch with a small plastic ball, which landed on the top of my car. Josh, forgetting our rule about climbing on the cars, pulled himself up from the hood to the top, lost his balance and came down with all his weight with his elbow on my windshield.  The neighbor came rushing to the door, and told me that Josh cracked the glass on my car. I walked out, already livid with the thought of having to pay for the repair. Here's what I saw:

 I am sure my face turned a lovely shade of magenta, and I immediately sent the neighbor home. I don't remember exactly what I said, but I do remember it was loud. I lost it, right there in my driveway. I am not sure if I was more angry that Josh disobeyed or that the damage was so vast. I didn't even ask Josh if he was hurt. I sent everyone in the house, and called the insurance company. Knowing we had a $500 deductible, I held my breath while the agent looked up the details on our policy. As he told me we had 100% glass coverage and no deductible, I let out a sigh of relief. I contacted a glass place, set up an appointment, and got everything squared away with surprising ease. After all was said and done, I hung up the phone and just sat at the table, and I heard a Voice that said, "Remind Joshua that you love him." I have grown to love that Voice, and I have learned, over time, to quickly obey it as well. Josh was in the living room on the couch, and I called to him. He turned to look at me, and I said, "Bud, even though I got really mad at you for disobeying the rule, and for what you did to the car, I still love you." He started to cry, telling me that because I was so angry he thought I didn't love him. I got the chance to remind him that no matter what he does, no matter how angry I might get, my love for him would never change. I remembered the piggy bank incident from the day before, and the mercy that was extended to us. Then I realized how I blew it when it came time for me to extend mercy to my own son, whom I love so dearly. Thankfully, it is never too late to make things right, and I was given the opportunity to fix it.

Mercy is a mysterious thing, that leads you through a gambit of emotions. This whole ordeal reminded me of how Jesus had the greatest mercy of all on each one of us. Instead of making us pay for our sins, as He had every right to do, He paid for them all, once and for all, and cancelled our enormous debt that we could never have sufficiently paid. We have all learned a valuable lesson over that last few days, and I'm sure that there will be other lessons over this long vacation for us to tackle. I am so thankful that the Lord's mercies are new every morning, and His faithfulness is great, even when ours is not.

On Dasher, on Dancer...

Aren't these cute? The kids loved my attempt at a Christmas baking craft.

Thirty-nine and holding.

I feel very strange on this, the eve of my 40th birthday. My children have been especially helpful in reminding me (daily) that my birthday is coming. Jonathan asked me today if I was going to wake up tomorrow with a head full of gray hair, and Josh asked me if cars were around when I was young. The other day, I took Lily to the doctor, and when the little girl that walked into the room introduced herself as Dr. Jones, I almost tripped over my jaw as it hit the floor. The only consolation is that Luis will always be 3 years older than me, something that I remind him of every chance I get (haha). I remember thinking when I was young, that 40 was ancient. Over the hill. The beginning of the end. Now that the minutes are ticking by, I am starting to rethink my position on that stance. After all, I haven't even SEEN a hill yet, and I still have more brunette than gray (and no, I have never colored my hair!). Alas, I must admit, reality is reality, and there is no denying the inevitable. Many times, I have encouraged my friends and family who have preceded me in reaching this milestone by saying that 40 is just a number, and you are only as old as you feel. Well, now that the shoe is on the other foot, I have to say it isn't so comforting when 40 is YOUR number, and I don't feel a day over...39.

But, all joking aside, it really doesn't bother me (too badly) about turning 40. I have to say that the last 10 years have been my sweetest, most fabulous yet, and I am expecting my 40s to be even better. I don't wish to be a teenager again. I don't even long for my college days, although they were exciting and life changing. My twenties were a blur, although some of the most important decisions of my life occurred between the ages of 22 and 25. So, all in all, I have to say, Dear 40, I look forward to all you have to offer. I welcome you with open arms, a few gray hairs, and a couple of wrinkles. I have a feeling this will be my best decade yet! 

Pecan Epiphany

Today I sat for about an hour and shelled some pecans that we had gathered a month ago. It's a daunting task to shell pecans, and it's no wonder they cost about $10 per pound in the stores if you want them in halves. After the third nut that shattered in my hand, I went online to see if there was a better way to extract a worthy-sized nut from these wretched shells. There were various techniques I found that people swore by, but it seems like you have to just use trial and error until you get it. At about the half hour mark, I started to get the feel for how much pressure I needed to exert to crack the outer shell, yet keep the nut in one piece. Then, once I cracked it enough, I could wiggle the nut out of where it was nestled, and add it to my pile. As I cracked and cracked, I had a thought: Pecans are just like people. Not in the "nut" sense (although, there are a few of those, too!) but in the sense that each person has some sort of outer shell, that protects a treasure on the inside.

As I was cracking the pecans, some of them were so hard. Even with the force of a strong grip and a nut cracker, I was not able to make a single crack. This pecan reminded me of those people that have lived such difficult, rough lives, which have driven them to shut themselves out from the rest of the world. They figure if they put a tough enough barrier around them, they will never again feel the pain, disappointment or rejection that the world can, at times, so easily dish out.

Some of the pecans cracked with great ease. So much so, that in one squeeze of the nutcracker, the whole nut broken into hundreds of tiny pieces, and instead of trying to salvage each minuscule piece of pecan, I just discarded to whole thing and went on to the next one. It reminded me of people who are on the verge of a breakdown. So distraught and broken on the inside, that even normal, every day pressure is enough to shatter them completely.

Other pecans I cracked, revealed a nut inside that was shrivelled and dried up. Inedible, undesirable, and worn out. Ironically, those were the pecans that came out whole, but only because the dryness has caused them to shrink away from the shell and lose all their flavor.

On the rare occasion, I had just the right pressure, and technique, and I was able to hold a whole pecan in the palm of my hand. In my hour of cracking, I managed to get only four whole pecans.

Each pecan different, each result unique. Although every nut fell from the same tree, and from the outside surface appeared to be relatively similar, each nut inside had a its own individual character. Just as all of us are human, and seem to be somewhat similar on the outside, who we really are in the inside can vary so dramatically. As someone cracking nuts, I am able to be selective about what I save and what I discard. Whether I want to waste my time cracking shells or if I would rather let someone else do it for me, is my choice. As I sat and cracked, I kept thinking what a long time it was taking to get such small results. Often I wondered if it was even worth my effort at all. As a human, I have to admit, I sometimes feel the same way about relationships with people. Some are so difficult to handle, so hardened, that I wonder if I can even make a difference. I ponder whether I might even get hurt in the process. Others are so fragile, so delicate, that it's just a matter of moments before they break. Am I willing to be there to help pick up the pieces? Then there are those who are dry and withered and life has evaporated from them. There isn't anything that I, in my human abilities, could even do for them. And those that are whole, pleasing and pleasant seem to be so few and far between. In all of these situations, I, in myself, lack the ability, the strength and sometimes even the motivation to be willing to reach out to those around me. But I, as a child of God, with Holy Spirit power living on the inside of me, possess the tools, the technique and power to reach out to whomever God puts in my path, with effectiveness and love, transforming the hardest of hearts, the most delicate of souls, or the driest spirit. When we realize all that our Savior has done to redeem us, we are then, out of thankful hearts, able to bring the gift of redemption to others.

What a perfect picture of God's kingdom at work within us, touching the world around us, to bring God's realm from heaven to earth once again.

Away in a Manger...

Lily is obsessed with the nativity I have placed on our fireplace mantle. Whenever someone brings attention to it, she says, "Look at Baby Jesus?" and holds up her arms for me to bring her up to see. Then, she doesn't want to get down. She wants to keep looking, and touching, and saying the names of all the figures, and touching it some more. I already had a casualty with a wise man...let's just say heads were rolling on that one...literally. Super glue is a wonderful thing. have no fear-the wise man once again has a good head on his shoulders. Today, after admiring the holy family for what seemed like an hour, I finally told Lily it was time for Baby Jesus to take His nap. What? He MUST have taken naps!

Christmas Past

 

It's so much fun to look back at all of these pictures. I can't believe that Josh will be 10 years old in another month. Memories are so sweet. It's funny how when I look back, I only remember the good, for the most part. That's not to say there wasn't any bad, but I choose to remember the good instead. In general, life is that way. Every day, we are faced with a choice of how we will look at our life. Will we focus on the mistakes, let downs and disappointment that we have experienced, or will we make a choice to focus on all the blessings, victories and wonderful times that we have had? It's really easy to wallow in self pity and regret, but it's so much more enjoyable to do just the opposite. I am thankful that I have the ability to sift through life, and smile. God has been so gracious to us. Christmas is my favorite time to reflect on all that He has done for me and my family, and look forward with expectation to what He has in store.

The Necessity of an Enemy

“Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” — Jesus


Congratulations! Your Goliath Has Arrived.

Enemies often seem to get in the way of our plans, leaving us discouraged and disoriented. But what if these obstacles are a part of God’s plans for us?

Our enemies - whether our weaknesses, circumstances, deep-seated sins, other people, or any other challenge—can become our stepping stool to new breakthroughs in life, if we leverage the opportunity. Just as David’s encounter with Goliath transformed him from a delivery boy to a national hero, our enemies can be a blessing in disguise - if only we recognize and face them head-on.

Click here to Pre-Order Apostle Ron's new book hitting shelves January 17, 2012. This is our Pastor's new book, and we are really excited to read it! We have learned over the years how God uses everything, if we allow Him, to move us in the direction of the plan He has made for our lives.

I know Thanksgiving isn't even here yet, but I just couldn't resist putting up our little Christmas tree with the kids in the window seat in the kitchen.

Family Night at Marshall Primary School

We are off to Jonathan's school tonight, and will meet Melinda Long, author of the best selling children's book, How I Became a Pirate.

Family pictures

It was a beautiful day today, so I forced convinced my family we needed to take some pictures. We haven't had a family picture since Lily was born (and she's two now) so these were long overdue. Enjoy!

Going on our walk

She looked a little like an Eskimo (or maybe Don King), but she was toasty warm!



Day 23 - Fired Up

I love my crock pots. I have two and I used them all the time. The larger one has a broken knob, but it still works. The only down side is that instead of being able to adjust the temperature to low or just keeping food warm, I only have the option of high. When I am done cooking something, I just unplug it from the wall, and the next time it's already set to high for whatever I need cooked.

We came home from church today, and the pinto beans were all done, simmering away in the crock pot. I was reminded of the scripture that says,

"To the angel of the church in Laodicea. These are the words of the Amen, the faithful and true witness, the ruler of God’s creation. I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth. You say, ‘I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.’ But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked. I counsel you to buy from me gold refined in the fire, so you can become rich; and white clothes to wear, so you can cover your shameful nakedness; and salve to put on your eyes, so you can see." Revelation 3:14-18

I spooned the steaming beans over the rice, then pulled the cord out of the socket so the beans could cool down. Cold or hot. Those are my only two options. According to this scripture, God prefers us to be one or the other. In actuality, what it's saying is that God wants us to make a choice. To stand up and stand firm and decide who we are going to follow. All my young life I was a lukewarm Christian. I knew the truth, but I only followed it when it was convenient. I worked God around my life instead of working my life around God. Then, when life turned chaotic, I questioned God on His whereabouts, when it was really me who never drew closer to Him. Being lukewarm is a state of wavering. Sitting on the fence between Christ and the world. Giving less than 100% of our life to God. God says that being lukewarm is so detestable to Him that he would spit us out of His mouth if we were in that state. God wants us to be purposeful. He wants us to be passionate about Him. He wants everything, or nothing.

I am so thankful that I made the choice I did back in 1994 to be sold out for Christ without compromise. Life has not been trouble-free, but there has been a supernatural strength that has brought me through even the deepest valley. When I look back at all the wasted time of my youth, all I can think of is how much stronger I would be today had I taken a stand for Christ when I was younger. It gives me a healthy burden to pray earnestly for and teach my children that God is not just "church". In fact, church doesn't even scratch the surface as to what a life in Christ can really be. Until I stepped into a deeper relationship with Him, I didn't realize how much I was really missing and how much I lacked in my spiritual life. I am thankful that God granted me enough time to choose Him. In His mercy, he didn't allow my life to end while I was lukewarm, but led me to a place where I chose Him completely. A choice I will never regret.

Day 20 - Seasons

I'm half way through this 40 day fast, and it is going well. I am proud of myself that I have been able to stick with it completely (except for those couple mistakes early on). Physically, I feel great. I am full of energy. My body seems to really be benefitting from really healthy eating, and I do believe I have lost about ten pounds. Spiritually I have grown much closer to God, which was my prayer. I really desire to know God. Not just a head knowlegde, but a close intimate relationship. I know I am moving in the right direction and it is very exciting.

Today on my morning walk, I had a heart to heart with my Father. I was frustrated yesterday, feeling overwhelmed with life and certain difficulties we are facing. I am so thankful that I can be real with Him, and even express raw emotion, and He doesn't back away, shut down or fight back. As I was basically whining to God, I looked at all the leaves around me changing color and then I heard Him whisper,

"It's just a season."

Thank you Lord, because I needed to know that this wasn't going to be my life for the rest of my time here on this green planet. Seasons. They are wonderful, aren't they? We all have our favorites. Fall really is mine. The beauty of seasons is the constant change they bring. Each season possesses something splendid; the changing leaves in fall, peaceful snowflakes drifting in winter, stunning blooms in spring and the warm sunshine of summer. The earth is constantly changing, and no two seasons are ever perfectly alike. Even during the most difficult of seasons, like winter in central New York, or summer in the south, we know that eventually it is going to change. Never before have we had winter last a whole year, and, as much as my children think they would love it all year round, summer is only three months long. And just as our seasons on earth are constantly in transition, so too are the seasons of life. Good or bad, we are just passing through these seasons. It is up to us to make the best of each one, take the good with the bad and learn all we can. Living through hard seasons while clinging to God makes us stronger and more prepared for the next season be it easy or difficult. I am trying not to despise this season of my life. With all it's ups and downs, I am trying so hard to enjoy the ride. I am trying to soak in the good, (because there is so much good!), and trying to objectively take the bad in stride. One thing I have learned from difficult seasons is that I really get to see the condition of my fruit during those trying times. Sometimes it's delectible fruit without a blemish, and other times it's rotten, nasty fruit that makes me cringe at the sight if it. I need to learn how to be thankful for every season in my life. How to gleen from each day, and lean on the Lord when I blow it. Most of all, through all the changing seasons and times, I need to remember that God is my constant, my rock, my anchor that I can hold on to when nothing else seems to be sure.

In my daily Bible reading I was reminded of the goodness of the Lord.

"But you, Israel, My servant, Jacob, whom I have chosen, the offspring of Abraham My friend, You whom I [the Lord] have taken from the ends of the earth and have called from the corners of it, and said to you, You are My servant--I have chosen you and not cast you off [even though you are exiled]. Fear not [there is nothing to fear], for I am with you; do not look around you in terror and be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen and harden you to difficulties, yes, I will help you; yes, I will hold you up and retain you with My [victorious] right hand of rightness and justice." Isaiah 41:8-10.



Day 17 - Control

"God is in control". I have heard this all my life from people in all walks of life. So you can imagine my surprise when our Pastor said the other day "God is not in control". Yes, that shook my theology a bit until I continued to listen to his reasoning. He went on to say, (and I am paraphrasing), that although God is the creator and ruler of all, He has delegated control and dominion to us, mere humans, dust. So really, you and I are, to some extent, in control. If you think about it, it really explains a lot of the "mysteries" of life. Why children are abused. Why innocent people are murdered. I mean, God, who is love, surely would not choose for these things and a whole mess of other things to happen. So it leaves us to ponder the idea of who really is in control. Way back at the beginning of creation, God established free will. Adam and Eve had it. You and I have it. I could, at this very moment, choose to do anything. I could have chosen not to walk this morning because of the rain. I could have chosen to eat that fried chicken yesterday instead of my fruit cup. I could choose to drink myself into oblivion, or lie, or cheat on my husband, or steal. I could make any of those choices because I am in control of what I decide to do. So why don't we just do whatever we want, whenever we want? Well, some people do. In fact, more and more people seem to be doing whatever feels good at the moment, giving no thought to who it effects around them or to the eternal consequences that comes with those choices.  Do you ever hear a conversations that starts like this: "If God is love, then why would he allow something like that to happen?" It all boils down to this very fact that each person is in control of their life.  The difference lies when people truly choose to follow God and submit to Him in ALL things. Not just when things are going wrong. Not just when there is a crisis. Not just on Sunday morning from 11-12. Every day, every minute, every hour. Your desire is to please the Father in all you do and say. Don't get me wrong-I am not talking about perfect people who never make mistakes, but I am referring to people who's heart is truly turned towards the things of God and desire to live according to His ways. There is a scripture that says "We are assured and know that [God being a partner in their labor] all things work together and are [fitting into a plan] for good to and for those who love God and are called according to [His] design and purpose." Romans 8:28 (amp). I love how the Amplified Bible states it so clearly here. It's not that God takes all things in every one's life, regardless of their choices and allegiances, and works it out for good. No, it says that we know that when we are walking with God (He being a partner in our labor) he has the ability to take any situation and adjust it to fit into His master plan for our life, if we are following Him. Everything hinges on who we are following. Everything comes down to this: am I totally sold out for God? Is it truly settled in my heart that I follow Him and no one or nothing else, or not. Until that matter in the direction towards God is settled in our hearts and minds, so much of scripture doesn't apply to our lives. Most promises in scripture begin with "If you...". And if you don't, then don't bother reading the rest, because it won't matter, except to show you what you are missing out on.  So in actuality, saying "God is in control" is really a cop out, relinquishing our right and duty to make Godly choices, so that when our life falls apart, we then can turn and blame God for it as well. Control. We want it when it benefits us, and shun it when others try to hold it over us. But when we learn to exercise healthy control over our lives, with the guidance of the Holy Spirit, suddenly a whole new world is opened to us. When we ask God to be in control of our lives, and give Him permission to lead us, He rushes in. He is such a gentleman that He will never force his control on us. He desires that we submit to Him, and answers as soon as we call. Ironically a life lived under submission of God's will is so freeing! A life of blessing, abundance and true fulfillment. And grace for when our hearts are right, but we miss the mark. Control. You have been given a wonderful gift. Use it wisely.

Day 12 - Waging War

As I was walking this morning, my knee was bothering me a lot. It has been hurting for a few days now, almost a week. I thought maybe it was a pulled muscle, but it just lingered. Every day when I walk, I pray, and it is a really great time of just the Lord and I. Lily goes with me in her stroller, and this morning she was exceptionally content and quiet so I didn't have to give her any of my attention. I really began to focus my prayer, but my knee was distracting me. I began to claim the healing scripture from 1 Peter 2:24 that says "by His [Jesus's] wounds we are healed". The pain continued. I talked to the Lord for a few minutes, and told Him how I believed He could do anything...ANYTHING! I have so much faith in God, so much faith is His power and His ability. He is all powerful, and I know there is nothing impossible for Him. But I also know that there must be a reason that when I ask Him to heal (or do anything according to his word for that matter), there must be a reason why sometimes it just doesn't happen right then and there. I examined my life, and didn't feel like there was anything for which I needed to repent. So I began to really press into the Lord and pray that he would reveal to me what was holding back the answers to this and many other prayers. Immediately, I heard the words, "prince of Persia". Not completely understanding, but believing I had heard from God, I began to pray and take authority over the prince of Persia, to which I felt was some sort of spirit that was hindering my healing and breakthrough in so many areas. Immediately, the pain left my knee. I mean it was instantaneous. I kept walking and praying until I reached my house. When I got home, I looked up the phrase "prince of Persia". To my surprise, it lead me to Daniel 10. More specifically to verses 12-13 where a messenger angel comes to Daniel and says, "Then he said to me, “Do not fear, Daniel, for from the first day that you set your heart to understand, and to humble yourself before your God, your words were heard; and I have come because of your words. But the prince of the kingdom of Persia withstood me twenty-one days; and behold, Michael, one of the chief princes, came to help me, for I had been left alone there with the kings of Persia." I have read and heard this passage several times, but I had completely forgotten that it was the demonic realm of the prince of Persia that detained God's message and answer to Daniel's prayer.  It reminded my how there is a constant war in the heavenlies between the angels and demons. It's not just some cartoon with the angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other, although that picture is actually not too far fetched either! I felt that there was more that God wanted to teach me, so I went back to Daniel 9 to see what it was that Daniel had prayed for, and that made the demonic realm feel so threatened. It was a prayer of repentance for the city of Jerusalem (God's people) who had rebelled and sinned against God and was in desolation. It was a prayer for mercy and restoration. Daniel, who was upright in the eyes of God, was still effected by the sins, rebellion and consequences of a rebellious, stiff-necked people. He was crying out for God to hear his repentance and forgive the sins of a nation and heal their land and people. Obviously, a restored people of God is a threat to the devil and the demonic realm. Satan loves to keep God's people down and under his thumb-enslaved, really. I believe it gives him that feeling of control that he desired so much when he first turned against God and fell from heaven. Satan also knows that a desolate, sick, weak people can not walk in authority and forgets its' place in the kingdom of God. No wonder there was such a fight to keep the angel from coming to Daniel to answer the cry for freedom for God's people. If we, as people of God realized how much authority has been given to us by God, our lives would be transformed. I am not saying that all sickness and problems of the world are directly related to this idea, but I do believe that some are, and they go unhealed and unsolved because we are unaware of the power that God has given to us as his children. The other lesson I took from this passage is how God hears our prayers, but the war that is waged over gaining victory through that prayer is sometimes a fierce battle in the heavenly realm. Even though God is all powerful, he has delegated his authority and control to his angels and his people on the earth. He has also given satan the name "the prince of the power of the air" which gives him a measure of authority, allbeit temporary, over things on the earth. God gives us the keys to fight against satan's authority in the earth, but unless we use those keys, we stay down and enslaved to satan's power. One of my prayers as I walk is that God reveals Himself more and more to me, so that I can really know Him, move in His power and anointing, and allow Him to use me to touch others. It is a deep desire of my heart, and I believe that He is answering that prayer, step by step.

Park pictures

While Josh was at his sock hop, I took Jonathan and Lily to the park. It was a perfect day, getting cooler, and leaves changing color. Fall is so pretty here in Belton!

Day 6 - Habits

After pouring my Ezequiel 4:9 Cereal, (yes, that is actually the name of the cereal, purchased at my local supermarket, one of the very few that qualifies for this fast, it tastes somewhat like grape nuts, and I think it's growing on me), I inadvertantly reached for the gallon of milk. As I went to pour, I gasped, put the cover back on, returned the gallon to the fridge, and grabbed my unsweetened almond milk. (After Sunday's slip up with 4 candy corns, where I completely forgot about the no sugar allowed until after they were consumed, I need to be paying more attention to what I am doing!)

Habits are hard to change. Maybe it's because after so long of repeating the same thing, we have convinced our mind it's the right way. Maybe it's because we have never seen it done any other way. Or maybe, we are just stubborn. Our life is really a compilation of habits, some good, some not so good. The way we eat, sleep, get dressed, brush our teeth, even the way we deal with our relationships. All habits. When Luis and I were first married, we had a clash of habits, and boy was it messy! When the things I really admired about Luis prior to marriage began to take up mutual residence after marriage, they somehow lost their glamour and glitter. I'm sure he would say the same, and maybe more.  When we both finally decided that change was necessary, and we were determined that nothing and no one was going to tear us apart, we had a life-changing shift in our mindsets and habits. It didn't happen all of a sudden, but it was a process that still, even after fifteen years of marriage, continues to evolve. Now, when I look at the picture in my mind's eye of my life, Luis is right there with me. That wasn't always the case. But each day, we both choose to see the other in our life's picture. We have to purposely set our minds on what is right. The Bible says in Proverbs 23:7, "As a man thinks in his heart, so he is". Consequently the first thing I have to get in submission to God and His purpose and plan for my life is my mind. So, for my habits to change for the better, I must to first change the mental picture that I study daily. I have to start seeing myself in that new, good habit, before my will and emotions can follow. Thankfully, it is not left up to me and my own feeble will-power to do so. We have the Holy Spirit, living on the inside of us, who continually fills us if we ask, and empowers us to change. Habits can be broken in our own strength if given enough consistancy and time. Habits that are brought into the submission of the power of the Holy Spirit working in and through us can be changed much quicker. Such good news for a weakling like me...I can find my strength in the One who is all powerful!

Day 5 - Alert

[For I always pray to] the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, that He may grant you a spirit of wisdom and revelation [of insight into mysteries and secrets] in the [deep and intimate] knowledge of Him, By having the eyes of your heart flooded with light, so that you can know and understand the hope to which He has called you, and how rich is His glorious inheritance in the saints (His set-apart ones), And [so that you can know and understand] what is the immeasurable and unlimited and surpassing greatness of His power in and for us who believe, as demonstrated in the working of His mighty strength, Which He exerted in Christ when He raised Him from the dead and seated Him at His [own] right hand in the heavenly [places], Far above all rule and authority and power and dominion and every name that is named [above every title that can be conferred], not only in this age and in this world, but also in the age and the world which are to come. Ephesians 1:17-21 (AMP)

I made a comment to Luis last night about how clear my mind seemed after only 4 short days of this fast and meditating on the Lord and His word. I feel like my mind is alert, and sharp.  I feel great physically...strong and energetic...but the real difference is how I feel inside my spirit. Like everything has been heightened. When I read my Bible, the words feel like they pierce me greater than before. Maybe it's because I have a greater expectation for what the Lord is doing and will do. After all, expectation keeps our eyes focused and our ears tuned.  Whatever the explanation, I like the way I feel!

This scripture was in my reading today. I have been using the reading plan at Bible Gateway  for some time now. I love it because I can choose the version and even switch the language if I want. I usually read in the Amplified version as it does just what the name implies. In particular, my eyes caught the part of scripture that says,

 "He may grant you a spirit of wisdom and revelation [of insight into mysteries and secrets] in the [deep and intimate] knowledge of Him."

How amazing is it that? We, as mortal men and women, can have spiritual insight to the mysteries and secrets of God. It's like a secret club with private access to God himself. How? Reading on, it says,

"By having the eyes of our heart flooded with light."

Flooded. Not just a flicker or a spark, but FLOODED with light. Being continually filled with the Holy Spirit, and the Word is how the eyes of our heart can be flooded with the light. Light that disperses all darkness and reveals all truth to us. When the eyes of our heart are flooded with light, darkness has no place to hide.

Then, the scripture goes on to give three results to having our hearts flooded with light.

1. You can know and understand the hope to which He has called you.
2. You can know how rich is His glorious inheritance in the saints.
3. [So that you can know and understand] what is the immeasurable and unlimited and surpassing greatness of His power in and for us who believe.

I love that God invites us to enter in to a deeper dimension with Him, but he doesn't just throw it out there. There is a cost...a price to pay. He desires us to seek Him and pursue Him daily. The more we seek Him, the more He reveals Himself to us, which makes us even more excited to seek Him at a deeper level. I am convinced that God is so awesome and powerful, so great that no matter how much we seek Him, there is no limit to how much we can know Him. And, if we continue to seek Him we will know Him more and more every day until He returns again.

Thank you, Lord, for revealing yourself to us as we seek you. Thank you for making us alert as we flood the eyes of our heart with your Spirit and your Word. Thank you for giving us a spirit of wisdom and revelation, so we can continue to know you deeper each day. 

Day 4-Heart Condition

"Live creatively, friends. If someone falls into sin, forgivingly restore him, saving your critical comments for yourself. You might be needing forgiveness before the day's out. Stoop down and reach out to those who are oppressed. Share their burdens, and so complete Christ's law. If you think you are too good for that, you are badly deceived.

Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that. Don't be impressed with yourself. Don't compare yourself with others. Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life. Be very sure now, you who have been trained to a self-sufficient maturity, that you enter into a generous common life with those who have trained you, sharing all the good things that you have and experience. Don't be misled: No one makes a fool of God. What a person plants, he will harvest. The person who plants selfishness, ignoring the needs of others—ignoring God!—harvests a crop of weeds. All he'll have to show for his life is weeds! But the one who plants in response to God, letting God's Spirit do the growth work in him, harvests a crop of real life, eternal life." Galatians 6:1-8 (The Message)

Not only have we been given a physical heart that we must take care of, we have also been given a spiritual heart that requires just as much, if not more daily scrutiny and care. This fast, along with my walking, is oh so good for my heart in both realms. So many times in scripture God reminds us how he is much more interested in the condition of our spiritual heart than anything else. When the prophet Samuel arrived at Jesse's house, seeking to anoint the new king of Israel, he was reminded by God that the chosen one wasn't going to be who everyone would obviously pick by judging outward appearance. Time after time, Jesus rebuked the Pharisees for having a holy, righteous outward appearance, yet filthy, rotten, judgemental hearts.

Have you ever tried to drive straight while being distracted by something behind you? Where ever your eyes lead, the rest of you will follow. It's impossible to stay on our own path if our focus is on another. We all have been guilty of this at one time of another, but if we truly grab hold of this idea of staying focused on God and His path for us, what freedom!! It is so easy for us to take our eyes off of our own life, our goals, and our divine path, and compare our life to that of someone else. I am convinced that all the devil needs to do to render us ineffective is to just distracts us from our purpose and plan of God for our life. He doesn't have to make us fall into deep sin or renounce God, but just get us off course ever so slightly, and take our eye off the prize, which is running the race that God has set before for us!

I want my physical heart to become strong! Even more so, I want my spiritual heart to beat with passion and zeal for all that God has planned for my life, whatever that might be. My life will not look like anyone else's life. No one else will be as excited about my life and my purpose than me. The purpose and plan God has for my life can not be fulfilled by anyone else but me, and no one else's life will ever satisfy me more than my own. That, my friend, is real freedom!

I mailed in my contract to the Just Between Us editor today. I am not sure when my article, Slivers, will be published, but they will let me know. It is a Christian women's magazine that is published quarterly, so it could be a while. Even so, I am excited to have my first piece actually published in a magazine!

Day 3-Very Strange

OK, last night I had a really unusual dream-where I was talking an extended family member, and I was totally naked and didn't realize it until much later (in dream time). Then, he relayed a word from God from some book of the Bible, chapter 4, verse 17. I know, very weird. But then I got to thinking about nakedness in the Bible. Who was naked? Adam and Eve before they sinned. "And the man and his wife were both naked and were not embarrassed or ashamed in each other's presence." Genesis 2:25. So I think the nakedness was more of a spiritual state rather than a physical one. (Let's hope, anyway! LOL) It was the way God had made then and intended for them to be, completely covered by his protection and provision, rather than anything of physical means. So I looked up all the 4:17 passages in the Bible this morning, and it was very interesting. There are many books of the Bible that don't even have a 4:17, so that narrowed it down a lot. Here are some of the verses:

Genesis 4:17 And Cain's wife [one of Adam's offspring] became pregnant and bore Enoch; and Cain built a [a]city and named it after his son Enoch.

Out of something bad (Cain was the one who killed his brother Abel), a promise arose (Enoch was a descendant of Noah, part of the lineage of Christ.)

Exodus 4:17 "And you shall take this rod in your hand with which you shall work the signs [that prove I sent you]." The calling of Moses, with signs and wonders.

Leviticus 4:17 "And shall dip his finger in the blood, and sprinkle it seven times before the Lord, before the veil [which screens the ark of the covenant]."

Making atonement for sins in the place closest to the Holy of Holies, the very presence of God in the Old Testament.

Joshua 4:17 "So Joshua commanded the priests, Come up out of the Jordan."

The last part of the second parting of the Red Sea, when the priests came up on dry land, carrying the ark of the covenant (where the presence of God dwelt in Joshua's time), before the waters came back together.

Ruth 4:17, "And her neighbor women gave him a name, saying, A son is born to Naomi. They named him Obed. He was the father of Jesse, the father of David [the ancestor of Jesus Christ]."

2 Kings 4:17, "But the woman conceived and bore a son at that season the following year, as Elisha had said to her."

Promised child born to a barren woman, just as God had said.

2 Chronicles 4:17, "In the plain of the Jordan the king cast them, in the clay ground between Succoth and Zeredah."

Earthen vessels made for the temple of God.

Nehemiah 4:17, "Those who built the wall and those who bore burdens loaded themselves so that everyone worked with one hand and held a weapon with the other hand,"

Rebuilding the broken walls of Jerusalem, which is symbolic of the community of God's people.

Esther 4:17, "So Mordecai went away and did all that Esther had commanded him."

Obedience. This is what Esther told him to do in verse 16. "Go, gather together all the Jews that are present in Shushan, and fast for me; and neither eat nor drink for three days, night or day. I also and my maids will fast as you do. Then I will go to the king, though it is against the law; and if I perish, I perish."

Daniel 4:17, "This sentence is by the decree of the [heavenly] watchers and the decision is by the word of the holy ones, to the intent that the living may know that the Most High [God] rules the kingdom of mankind and gives it to whomever He will and sets over it the humblest and lowliest of men."

Matthew 4:17, "From that time Jesus began to preach, [a]crying out, Repent ([b]change your mind for the better, heartily amend your ways, with abhorrence of your past sins), for the kingdom of heaven is at hand."

After Jesus was victorious over the temptations by the devil, preaching the gospel to everyone.

Luke 4:17, "And there was handed to Him [the roll of] the book of the prophet Isaiah. He opened (unrolled) the book and found the place where it was written,
18The Spirit of the Lord [is] upon Me, because He has anointed Me [the Anointed One, the Messiah] to preach the good news (the Gospel) to the poor; He has sent Me to announce release to the captives and recovery of sight to the blind, to send forth as delivered those who are oppressed [who are downtrodden, bruised, crushed, and broken down by calamity],19To proclaim the accepted and acceptable year of the Lord [the day [l]when salvation and the free favors of God profusely abound."

Romans 4:17, "As it is written, I have made you the father of many nations. [He was appointed our father] in the sight of God in Whom he believed, Who gives life to the dead and speaks of the nonexistent things that [He has foretold and promised] as if they [already] existed."

1 Corinthians 4:17, "For this very cause I sent to you Timothy, who is my beloved and trustworthy child in the Lord, who will recall to your minds my methods of proceeding and course of conduct and way of life in Christ, such as I teach everywhere in each of the churches."

2 Corinthians 4:17, "For our light, momentary affliction (this slight distress of the passing hour) is ever more and more abundantly preparing and producing and achieving for us an everlasting weight of glory [beyond all measure, excessively surpassing all comparisons and all calculations, a vast and transcendent glory and blessedness never to cease!]"

Philippians 4:17,"Not that I seek or am eager for [your] gift, but I do seek and am eager for the fruit which increases to your credit [the harvest of blessing that is accumulating to your account]."

Colossians 4:17, "And say to Archippus, See that you discharge carefully [the duties of] the ministry and fulfill the stewardship which you have received in the Lord."

2 Timothy 4:17, "But the Lord stood by me and strengthened me, so that through me the [Gospel] message might be fully proclaimed and all the Gentiles might hear it. So I was delivered out of the jaws of the lion."

1 John 4:17, "In this [union and communion with Him] love is brought to completion and attains perfection with us, that we may have confidence for the day of judgment [with assurance and boldness to face Him], because as He is, so are we in this world."


Wow, that's quite a list. The overwhelming feeling I got from all these verses was the promise of God fulfilled, the presence of God with His people, and divine protection, provision, and miracles. Pretty awesome. I started off searching for the one passage that the Lord might have wanted to show me. Instead I found a message repeated over and over again. No wonder the Lord says that His Word is living and active and sharper than any two-edged sword. Simply amazing! Day 3 has officially begun...and it's only 10:00am. Can't wait to see what this day holds!

On a lighter note, Joshua had a dream last night that I had another baby, a girl, named Tricia, and she ran all the way home from the hospital after she was born. Too funny!

Day 2-Stay Focused

In the last month, I have begun to dream again. I dream almost every night. I went for a long period of time without dreams, and not sleeping very well. Since I have begun walking and praying regularly and in the Word, it's as though something has awoken on the inside of me. I received a prophecy years ago that God was going to purify the area of my imagination and I would begin to see things in parables and dreams and even see into the realm of darkness know what to do to fight against it. For those of you who have read my blog since the beginning (2008), it seems as though the Lord has already started to teach me things in ways that resemble parables. I am believing that the Lord is going to continue to purify my mind so that I can see Him and hear Him more clearly through this fast and continued time in His presence and His Word.


My challenge is to stay focused. Not on what I can and can't eat, but on the Lord and what he desires from me. Many times, during a fast, I get preoccupied with the logistics of the fast itself, rather than taking that time to meditate on the Lord. My prayer today is that I keep my eye on the prize; a closer, deeper relationship with the Lord through His Holy Spirit.

Day 1-Discerning God's Voice

This is the first of many entries on a new journey that I am taking. I have such great expectation for what the Lord is going to do that I don't want to forget any of it. For the past month, I have been consistantly walking and praying every morning. Then I come home and get into the Word. It is definitely the most consistant I have ever been in these areas of my entire ever. I told Luis that I am becoming addicted to spending time with God. I actually crave it like a food. I have felt that something amazing was on the verge of happening...I have been experiencing an excitement in my spirit equal to the excitement I felt as a child at Christmastime.

Then, this morning when I woke up, the Lord spoke to me and said "40 day Daniel fast, and I will heal you." Sometimes I struggle with deciphering whether I am hearing God's voice or just my own, but today, I have no doubt. For one thing, I would never tell myself to fast! Secondly, the devil is never going to tell me to do something that draws me closer to the Lord. So, I am taking this instruction and running with it, full force ahead! I believe God is really going to do something wonderful, and I have no idea what it is. What He said is vague enough that I'm not sure if it is a physical healing, emotional, spiritual...maybe all of them! I don't know, but I do know that whenever God heals us, it's an awesome thing! So I researched the Daniel fast online and in my Bible, and stocked up on some food items that will help me stay the course. I do not want to cheat one iota...because I don't want to miss anything God has for me. I bought strange food like hummus, and stocked up on fresh and frozen veggies and fresh fruit. I will be drinking only water, and am cutting out all meat, bread, sweets. Basically I'm able to have fruit, vegetables, nuts and water. Sounds strict and challenging, but I have great motivation, so I know I can do it with the strength of the Holy Spirit. I will try to journal each day of the 40 days, and share what I learn along the way. Hope you read along with me and maybe something I share ministers to your heart as well. If you are interested in reading where this fast came from, you can read about it here, in Daniel 1 and also here in Daniel 10.

After three days of rain and gray clouds, I found my silver lining...

God's Timing

I am always amazed how perfect God's timing is. He knows exactly what we need, right when we need it. When I was pregnant with Lily, I was so sad that my midwife from Arizona was more than 2000 miles away. She had been such a support to me all through my pregnancy with Jonathan and I just thought I would never find anyone who compared to Edie. Then a friend told me about a midwifery office in Bamberg, S.C., where we met Anna.

Instantly, I felt at ease, and knew that the Lord had everything in order. She had such a sweet spirit, calm voice, and cheerfulness about her. She was never annoyed with Josh, who would love on her, and look over her shoulder as she charted each visit. (He was definitely smitten with Miss Anna!). She quickly picked up on Jonathan's insecurities about losing his "baby of the family" status. She knew my fears of having a baby in my late thirties, and had a way of calming them, even though the risk never actually changed. She was such an encouragement through the entire 9 months.

When it came time for my little Lily to make her grand entrance, Luis, Anna, the nurse and I spent the time (between contractions) talking about the Lord, and all the great things He has done in each of our lives. There was a peace in that birthing room like I had never experienced in my other births. Even as the pain intensified, and the contractions were more frequent, there was a sweet spirit of the Lord that just lingered. It was a beautiful day for so many reasons, and a special friendship formed between Anna and my family.

When I found out that Anna would be leaving the Bamberg practice, I figured that I probably wouldn't see her again, and that she was just a special gift for a season in my life. Little did I know that Anna was originally from Belton, S.C., and that the Lord would moved us, a year later, to that very same town...and what I thought was an end of a beautiful season, in actuality, was only the beginning of a new one.

We love you dearly Anna. You are a special part of our family!

Lily Turns Two

She was all shy when we sang to her.

It wore off quickly...

Hugs for her monkey from Papa!

Kisses for the birthday girl!