NANI

WE WANT YOU...

TO KNOW WE'LL FIGHT ANY GIANT

CLIMB ANY HEIGHT

 TRAVERSE GREAT DARKNESS

 AND CROSS RAGING SEAS...

To wish you a Happy Birthday!

We love and miss you so much and can't wait to see you soon! Hugs and kisses from all of us on your Birthday!

Love:

Leslie, Luis, Josh, Jonathan and Lily

Let Freedom Ring

Have you ever had something happen, and you knew God was speaking directly to you? I did today, as I heard this song on the radio. My heart was stirred as I thought about someone who I know that lives this life. I am praying that true freedom comes one day. Why would someone choose to hide instead of being set free? I guess the initial embarrassment of disclosure-the fear of being "found out", paralyzes many. Today this person realized that her wall was transparent. What a perfect opportunity to knock it down once and for all!! This could be the beginning of healing that is a long time coming. I say a few moments of feeling humbled by the admittance of sins is a small price to pay for true freedom. Don't let this opportunity pass. Be brave, my friend-Let freedom ring!

Here are the lyrics:

Healing begins

So you thought you had to keep this up
All the work that you do
So we think that you're good
And you can't believe it's not enough
All the walls you built up
Are just glass on the outside

So let 'em fall down
There's freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We're here now

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark

Afraid to let your secrets out
Everything that you hide
Can come crashing through the door now
But too scared to face all your fear
So you hide but you find
That the shame won't disappear

So let it fall down
There's freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We're here now
We're here now, oh

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark

Sparks will fly as grace collides
With the dark inside of us
So please don't fight
This coming light
Let this blood come cover us
His blood can cover us

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark

Broken

I had the complete misfortune of breaking my baby girl's arm yesterday. It was a horrible accident. I slipped and fell at a ball game, and because I had her arm, she was yanked down with my momentum. She cried for an hour, and was only able to calm down when we got home and she rested in her Daddy's arms. This morning I looked her over. Her arm looked fine, and there was no bruising. Then, as I watched her try to do the things she normally does, I saw that she was favoring her arm way too much. She was just not acting like my little Lily. I knew that I needed to bring her to the doctor. After a set of X-rays, my suspicions were confirmed: fracture.

It's awful to think that Lily walked all last night and this morning with a broken arm. Now that we are home, I have had a chance to process everything. Lily is still sore, but her arm is secure, splinted and on the mend. Restraining it in the splint makes her arm rest, even with all the energy of a 20 month old. This whole incident placed an interesting question inside my head. I wondered how many people just walk around broken on the inside without anyone noticing? The majority of people that we meet in our every day life look fine and seem to act the way society deems as normal. All of us, at times, have broken areas hidden deep inside of us. A death of a loved one, a relationship severed, a major disappointment...all can cause a brokenness. The rate in which we heal varies from person to person, from situation to situation. No one can put a time limit on your wholeness, but one thing is for sure, eventually, the brokenness should heal. I have recently met a woman who's brokenness has not yet healed. It has been four years since her 24 year old son was killed in a motorcycle accident. She has tried to use alcohol to cover the pain. Temporarily she finds relief, even if it is a false sense of healing. I met with her just the other day at a hospital in Seneca. She was the patient, and her husband brought her in with chest pain and heart attack symptoms. A day later, she was release with a clean bill of health and a healthy heart from what all the instruments show. It's too bad brokenness isn't a monitorable condition on an EKG. It only took me a few moments of conversing with this sweet lady to realize that she was hurting, and hurting badly. She was not able to mask it, and she wore her wounds on her sleeve. Unfortunately, there are many people who have an ability of hiding their brokenness so that it isn't readily detected as quickly as it was in my friend. I think the main reason is because it takes courage and humility to admit when we are broken, and some people find it very difficult to let their true self show. Some blame their brokenness on past experiences, using that as their eternal crutch, choosing to play the part of a victim rather than an overcomer. Others are blind to their own brokenness, and have somehow managed to deceive themselves into thinking they are fine. Our Pastor recently preached about how a deceived person is the most diffcult person to work with, because not only are they broken, but they believe they are whole and everyone else has a problem. Life is not always easy, but living life being broken and/or deceived is not the abundant life God promises to each one of us.

I have walked through brokenness many times in my life. Each instance was different, some were caused by others and some were self inflicted. I am thankful that the Lord had placed people in my life who stood by me and helped me through some of those times. Other times, I can recall when God chose to be my help Himself. The times when I didn't want to admit my brokenness, I failed to create an atmosphere for healing, and the process was slow. The times when I was able to freely say, "I'm hurting, I don't know what to do, but I desire to be whole again", the Lord made the process much more swift and bearable. We all need motivation to want to be whole. Physical pain is a powerful motivator, but often our brokenness can't be felt in the same way a broken arm can. No one wants to get hurt. No one wants to be broken. And as much as we wish they could, no one can walk down the path to wholeness in our place. The promise that we have is that we will never walk it alone, for the Lord Himself will lead us.
And when we look back on our brokenness sitting on the fence of wholeness, we too can proclaim just as David of old, "You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing.

You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy,
that I might sing praises to you and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever!" Psalm 30:11-12 (NLT)

Funny Pictures

No Left Turn

   When I pick Jonathan up from school there is a direct road that leads to the car line where I wait for him. If I go that way, it's just a quick left turn and I'm there. Unfortunately, there's a little matter of a sign there that says, "No Left Turn". Being the rule keeper that I am, I drive around the block so I can turn right onto the same road, and obey the law. As I am sitting in line, I am always amazed at the number of people who turn left illegally. I guess I am not too surprised by some, but the ones that have their big "JESUS" bumper sticker or their Christian fish really get to me. The other day, when I was cut off by someone making an illegal left turn, right in front of me, after I had just spent valuable time and gas to drive around the block, I wanted to punch their lights out (in righteous indignation, of course.) I found myself up on my high horse, disgusted at the infidels all around me. Sounds so Holy, doesn't it? I mean, I fully expected God himself to be waiting at the end of the pick up line to pat me on the back, and give me a wink of approval, while those who have not followed in my perfect example get their just desserts of fire and brimstone raining down on their mobile billboard for God.

   OK, by this time, I either have you laughing, or angry (depending on which car you might have been in), but I'm sure I have gotten a reaction. As a Christian, let me be the first one to say Christians can be so...annoying! No wonder there is a world out there that wants nothing to do with God. Look at his representatives. Sheesh. Don't get me wrong, I think it is right and good to follow rules. I believe obeying laws is something that God expects us to do. Even the so-called "little" rules, like FBI warnings against illegal CD copies, regardless of being "poor folk", or telling 349 of your closest friends "what's on your mind", on company time. (Thank goodness facebook wasn't around when I worked...I am sure I would have succumbed to THAT temptation once or twice!!) But here's the thing. Why do we feel so much pride when we do something right, and condemn others around us who are doing wrong? I mean, I really puffed myself up in that car there for a while, until God decided to burst my little bubble of pride. I guess we forget that all sin is equal in it's ability to separate us from God. Even disobedience. Even pride and self-righteousness. It's no wonder that life's snares and entanglements all boil down to three areas: "the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life." (1 John 2:16). Lust, more lust and pride.

   When we become Christians, we suddenly become residents of glass houses, and you know what they say..."People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones". Think about it...who are the WORST critics of smokers? Ex-Smokers! I know some people who have committed sins, and I'm talking some serious, heinous acts, and they are some of the most critical people, especially of the same exact sin that they once committed themselves. I am very grateful that the Lord has the ability to forgive (1 John 1:9) AND forget (Psalm 103:12) all of our sins when we ask for forgiveness and turn away from that sin. But, I am equally glad that He, in His infinite wisdom, has NOT given us the ability to forget our own sin. Not for the sake of beating ourselves up over and over again, but to always remember from the heights we have fallen, and of the mercy that God has extended to us. The Bible says that the person who has been forgiven much, shows much love. (Luke 7:47)

   I admit that I choose to sit on the judgement throne way too often at times. I am thankful that the Lord is quick to point out to me that I am in the wrong seat, and usually I am quick to respond accordingly. Lord knows some people make it harder to respond than others, but that's all part of how God uses those around us to show us how imperfect our prideful hearts really are. The beauty of all the difficult experiences, the failures and the disappointments is that they clearly points us directly to the cross and our need for a Saviour. It's impossible to walk straight, when we our gaze is everywhere else but on the path that lies ahead. Jesus never called us to be the plumb line for humanity. That's a standard only He can raise. Our place is to represent Him well, and point people to Him.

 Josh

 Liliana-20 months

 Jonathan and Morgan after the play

Jonathan with Mrs. Jones, his K5 teacher

Pathfinders

As far back as I can remember, I have been a worry-wart. I remember worrying about my parents dying, getting into an accident. I remember worrying about being called on at school to answer a question, missing the bus, dropping my lunch in the cafeteria and being laughed at. I had fears about calling people on the telephone and the dreaded class presentations. I was afraid of the dark, water, and dogs. You name it, and I could wrap a fear around it in a blink of an eye. I think it is partly because I have always been a "what-if" kind of person. I assume that's why science and forensics captivate me even to this day. I love to "master the possibilities", however most of my anticipation of the possibilities ended in a gripping fear of the worst possible case scenario. As I grew, I traded my foolish, childhood fears for larger, more mature ones. Fear of leaving home to go to college...staying in a bad relationship in my teens and early twenties out of the fear of being single forever. Fear of not being a success in life. I think you get my point.

God tells us in His word that He has not "given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." (2 Timothy 1:7). He tells us again in Romans 8:15 that we "did not receive a spirit that makes [us] a slave again to fear, but the Spirit of sonship." These passages reveal two important truths to me. First, that fear is a spirit. I am not talking like Casper the friendly ghost kind of spirit, but a real atmosphere that attached itself wherever it is received. The second truth is that the spirit of fear did not come from, and never will come from God.

One day, right after I finished college, my life came to a crashing halt. Everything I had planned, dreamed and counted on was ripped out of my grasp. As you can imagine, the complete loss of control over the details of one's life would send any fear-riddled soul into an unrecoverable, downward spiral. I felt as though my fears stood straight up in front of my eyes, mocking me in a victory dance. I was overcome with grief, anger, and irrational thoughts. My sweet Mother did all that she knew to do, and, sensing the urgency of my situation, prayed and interceded for my very life. I was a walking zombie for the next couple of days, then something happened. Something awoke on the inside of me. Something sparked hope in a bleak, dark time, that should have engulfed me into a state of insanity. For the first time ever, I saw that there were two paths in front of me. The first was where I found myself standing. It was an easy path, with bright lights, and neon signs, and plenty of space to walk. People as far as the eye could see, walking beside me, in front of me and behind. All the obstacles had been removed, all the hills made flat and the valleys lifted. The twists and turns had been eliminated and I could see for miles and miles without even straining. It was the obvious, logical path, and for someone with as many fears as I had, it was the path where I could maintain complete control of where I was going at all times. The bright lights and neon signs were so captivating and appealing, that my senses were full to the brim. My path was so inviting and so perfect to me, that I could walk it with my eyes closed, and many times, I did. I'm sure I had my eyes closed on the day that I was so rudely thrown to the ground by what I call, "The Screeching Halt".

It's hard to say exactly what caused this abrupt halt, because there weren't any warning signs. Not that I saw, at least. I mean, there was no slowing traffic, no yellow caution lights, everything flowing right along schedule. Tick tock...chop chop. Or so it seemed. But that's the thing about this path on which I was a traveller. The warnings are camouflaged by the big, the bold and the beautiful. Yes, I could pinpoint the obvious contributing factors that threw my perfect little world out of orbit, but it was as if those details were merely the result of a greater force at work. Suddenly my rocked world caused me to shift my glance. This other path was one I really never notice before. I guess my steps were just so comfortable, so effortless, that I never questioned the existence of another path. Once I laid eyes on it, I instantly knew it had actually been there all along. This other path, at times, is very difficult to travel, dimly lit, and filled with twists, turns, hills and valleys. Sometimes it's a quiet path, where you walk alone for miles, wondering if anyone else is even there.  Once I took the leap from the old path to the new one, I immediately knew I was not the same anymore. I felt free. I felt strong, and brave. Not any words I would have ever used to describe myself before. So I kept on that path, and I learned several things. I learned that the path I chose leads to my destiny, my peace, the divine. Over the years, it has challenged me to step out of my comfort zone, think outside the walls of my own understanding, and place complete faith in something I can't see, or touch. In a world searching for purpose, only to find the blind leading the blind, I have been given a wonderful gift of a Lamp to light my path.

Do I still have fears? Sure, at times. Especially when I take my eyes off of God and try to work in my own limited knowledge and strength. Is life perfect? Not a chance, but my peace is perfect, even in the storms, even in the trials, even when I fail. It is because my peace is not something I conjured up myself, but has been given to me by Jesus, who is the Prince of Peace. Do I ever regret leaving my first path for the second? Never.

~

Enter through the narrow gate.
For wide is the gate
and broad is the road
that leads to destruction,
and many enter through it. 
But small is the gate
and narrow the road
that leads to life,
and only a few find it. 
Matthew 7:13 (NIV)

~

If, on the day that I was presented with the choice of the two paths, I would have chosen according to my fears, I would probably still be on that other path to this day. Fear is the polar opposite of faith, and it is what keeps many of us bound and blind. As cliché as it may sound, I have found a freedom that I never knew when I strolled along the other path. It's ironic how having the freedom to do whatever you want-whatever feels right at the time, ends up doing nothing more than placing us in chains. We live in regret from all the horrible choices we've made that didn't quite turn out exactly as we had planned.  Even more ironic is how, when we choose to place ourselves under the submission of God, His rules and His ways, we end up with a freedom we never knew existed.

~

My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord.

“And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.

For just as the heavens are higher than the earth,

so my ways are higher than your ways

and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.

“The rain and snow come down from the heavens

and stay on the ground to water the earth.

They cause the grain to grow,

producing seed for the farmer

and bread for the hungry.

It is the same with my word.

I send it out, and it always produces fruit.

It will accomplish all I want it to,

and it will prosper everywhere I send it.

You will live in joy and peace.

The mountains and hills will burst into song,

and the trees of the field will clap their hands!

Isaiah 55:8-12 (NLT)

~

So, if I asked you today, what path you are on, what would you tell me? Maybe you don't even know. Maybe you have never even thought about it before. Equally important, do you know why you choose to stay on the path you are on, regardless of which one it is? We should walk with purpose, wherever we are walking. We can have such drive and purpose, running full steam ahead, on a path that is completely wrong, and all we will be doing is getting nowhere, fast. We can also be on the right path, but only walking halfheartedly, never reaching our intended goal. My prayer is that each one of us walks on the right path, with great purpose and a heart that wants everything God has in His plan for us. There is, after all, no greater life than that.

Fruit: the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Beware of false prophets who come disguised as harmless sheep but are really vicious wolves.  You can identify them by their fruit, that is, by the way they act. Can you pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? A good tree produces good fruit, and a bad tree produces bad fruit. A good tree can’t produce bad fruit, and a bad tree can’t produce good fruit. So every tree that does not produce good fruit is chopped down and thrown into the fire. Yes, just as you can identify a tree by its fruit, so you can identify people by their actions. Matthew 7:15-20 (NLT)

Trees were a big source of fun when I was little. Next door, in Grampa Kalisiewicz's yard, he had three huge pear trees and one apple tree. My little sister and I spent many hours up in those trees. The apple tree was a beautiful tree. It was the easiest tree for me to climb, so that's where I chose to be, most of the time. Unfortunately, that beautiful tree produced awful apples, so when I had a taste for something sweet, I would have to leave that tree, and head over to the pear tree. The fruit of the pear trees were delicious. I don't think I have ever tasted a pear quite as good as Grampa's since then. The last time I went home, I noticed that the trees weren't the same. As trees often do after many years, they had gotten warn out, and stopped producing pears in the same way that they used to.  Mom said she noticed the pears dwindling a few years back. She said the trees didn't look good, and then they stopped producing those sweet, delicious, juicy fruit.

In life, just as in nature, there is nothing more frustrating than being around a tree that looks good, but produces nasty fruit. It's such a disappointment, and even repulsive at times. Unfortunately, we don't always know what kind of tree we are dealing with until the fruit ripens. Often, there are signs that warn us that something is very wrong. Plagued leaves, rotten branches, attacking fungus. But once you know that your tree is bad, you don't expect much of it. Harder still is the once beautiful tree with near perfect fruit, that suddenly changes and becomes erratic. There is good fruit mixed in with the bad. You have to be very selective when choosing to consume what is being offered by this tree, and eventually it gets to be such a chore finding good fruit, that it's easier to just find another source. It's a case of a good tree gone bad, just like grampa's pears. It's a tree that you would rather avoid. Yes, you are aware of it, and it does produce some good fruit, but it is such a bother and not worth the time to sift through the rottenness to find something worth your effort. Mentally, this tree wears on us. We remember how good the tree once was, and every once in a while, we venture back to it, thinking that maybe, just maybe the tree has recovered. At first glance it looks promising, until we take a bite of the fruit, only to have to spit it out, and walk away disappointed.

I am thankful that we are able to see fruit for what it really is, and judge the tree by it's fruit. Ripe or rotten, it's unmistakable.  Being that there are orchards and orchards of trees out there, it behooves us to be selective. We need to be very careful what we choose to allow in our "garden", because it will either influence us positively or negatively, but make no mistake, it will definitely influence us. People love to say, "Judge not, lest you be judged", but here's one plain example of where God says it's good and right to judge. Not for the sake of condemning anyone, but for the purpose of protecting ourselves from bad influences. Thank you Lord for letting each fruits be seen, and guiding us every day on the path that leads to abundant life.

My Honey and I on Mother's Day! So thankful for my wondeful husband! Love you! 

Jonathan running home! 

My little slugger!

Unconditional Love

Hugs, hand prints, and homemade cards...kisses and coupons for more hugs, back rubs, helping hands with a smile. What a sweet Mother's Day! These days are like snowflakes...each one unique, never to be equaled. My boys are reaching an age where they have their own ideas, and they enjoy being creative. I love to see what comes out of their imaginations, without any help from anyone. To Josh, I am the "best Mom in the whole wide world", and Jonathan loves me "so so much" and he "loves me like a flower"...and with the way that boy loves flowers, that's saying a bunch!

Just as we have unconditional love for our children, they have the same love for us. I am definitely not a Supermom. I have moments when I yell, and probably exasperate my children with all my "pick up this" and "clean that", but there is no doubt in my childrens' minds that they are loved immensely. When it comes right down to it, even with the occasional craziness in our home, and the debates on what is acceptable for attitudes and actions, and after all is said and done, there is so much love. I am so very thankful that I had parents that were free to express their love towards me, and told me often that they were proud of me. I never felt like I was a burden on my parents, or in the way, even with all eight kids romping around. When I think back over the years as a child in my parents' home, the sweet, special times shine so bright in my memory. Sure, there were times of stress and conflict as there is in any home where people are close to each other, but those times have faded into an almost non-existent realm. I guess it's all in what we choose to remember, and being that there were innumerable good times, and only a handful of difficult ones, it's easy to dwell on the good!

For Mother's Day, I bought my husband a present, because if it weren't for him and the Lord, I wouldn't have the privilege of all this love that has been lavished on me! So I found this book entitled "Raising a Modern-Day Knight". It's a focus on the family book, and he's really enjoying it. Luis and I had a very different childhood. I firmly believe that his upbringing was very instrumental in bringing him to the feet of Jesus. The Lord knows our spirit, and knows what each of us need to experience to return to Him. His parents did the best they knew how to do, and he is thankful for them, and always knew that his parents loved him, even if they could not express it openly. They both had an alcohol problem, and fighting was the norm instead of the exception. He grew up with a lot of strife all around him, and felt "on his own" at an early age. I looked up the meaning of Luis's name on line the other day. Luis means "famous warrior", and Fernando means "daring, adventurous".   I'm sure his mother had no idea the meaning of her middle son's name, but it fits him perfectly. Luis has always had drive and motivation. He has always had an entrepreneurial spirit. He ran his own store out of his Mom's garage when he was young. At age 14, he ran away from home and travelled by train from his town in the mountains between Guadalajara and Puerta Vallarta, Mexico, all the way to Huntington Park, California where his Uncle Hector lived. As a mother, whenever I hear this story, my heart sinks. I can't imagine one of my children running off. In my limited thinking, I pray that never happens. But I realize fully that these "trips" to LA changed my husbands life forever, and made him the man, and the Christian that he is today. One of my favorite quotes is "Nothing is ever wasted". I have to remember when I pray for my children, not to pray for the easy life, or the problem free life, but to pray for the life that will bring them so very close to the Lord. That is NOT easy.

So this Mother's Day was wonderful and reflective. Thank you, Lord for the opportunity to raise the children you have given us. I know they are yours, first, and a special gift from you to my husband and I. Continue to teach us, Lord, how to raise our children so they will follow you sincerely, with their whole hearts. As much as I strive to be the perfect parent, I acknowledge that you, Lord, are the only perfect parent, and I lean on your wisdom, and strength. Thank you for giving me unconditional love, even when I didn't deserve it, and teaching me how to extend that unconditional love to my precious little ones.