Pathfinders

As far back as I can remember, I have been a worry-wart. I remember worrying about my parents dying, getting into an accident. I remember worrying about being called on at school to answer a question, missing the bus, dropping my lunch in the cafeteria and being laughed at. I had fears about calling people on the telephone and the dreaded class presentations. I was afraid of the dark, water, and dogs. You name it, and I could wrap a fear around it in a blink of an eye. I think it is partly because I have always been a "what-if" kind of person. I assume that's why science and forensics captivate me even to this day. I love to "master the possibilities", however most of my anticipation of the possibilities ended in a gripping fear of the worst possible case scenario. As I grew, I traded my foolish, childhood fears for larger, more mature ones. Fear of leaving home to go to college...staying in a bad relationship in my teens and early twenties out of the fear of being single forever. Fear of not being a success in life. I think you get my point.

God tells us in His word that He has not "given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." (2 Timothy 1:7). He tells us again in Romans 8:15 that we "did not receive a spirit that makes [us] a slave again to fear, but the Spirit of sonship." These passages reveal two important truths to me. First, that fear is a spirit. I am not talking like Casper the friendly ghost kind of spirit, but a real atmosphere that attached itself wherever it is received. The second truth is that the spirit of fear did not come from, and never will come from God.

One day, right after I finished college, my life came to a crashing halt. Everything I had planned, dreamed and counted on was ripped out of my grasp. As you can imagine, the complete loss of control over the details of one's life would send any fear-riddled soul into an unrecoverable, downward spiral. I felt as though my fears stood straight up in front of my eyes, mocking me in a victory dance. I was overcome with grief, anger, and irrational thoughts. My sweet Mother did all that she knew to do, and, sensing the urgency of my situation, prayed and interceded for my very life. I was a walking zombie for the next couple of days, then something happened. Something awoke on the inside of me. Something sparked hope in a bleak, dark time, that should have engulfed me into a state of insanity. For the first time ever, I saw that there were two paths in front of me. The first was where I found myself standing. It was an easy path, with bright lights, and neon signs, and plenty of space to walk. People as far as the eye could see, walking beside me, in front of me and behind. All the obstacles had been removed, all the hills made flat and the valleys lifted. The twists and turns had been eliminated and I could see for miles and miles without even straining. It was the obvious, logical path, and for someone with as many fears as I had, it was the path where I could maintain complete control of where I was going at all times. The bright lights and neon signs were so captivating and appealing, that my senses were full to the brim. My path was so inviting and so perfect to me, that I could walk it with my eyes closed, and many times, I did. I'm sure I had my eyes closed on the day that I was so rudely thrown to the ground by what I call, "The Screeching Halt".

It's hard to say exactly what caused this abrupt halt, because there weren't any warning signs. Not that I saw, at least. I mean, there was no slowing traffic, no yellow caution lights, everything flowing right along schedule. Tick tock...chop chop. Or so it seemed. But that's the thing about this path on which I was a traveller. The warnings are camouflaged by the big, the bold and the beautiful. Yes, I could pinpoint the obvious contributing factors that threw my perfect little world out of orbit, but it was as if those details were merely the result of a greater force at work. Suddenly my rocked world caused me to shift my glance. This other path was one I really never notice before. I guess my steps were just so comfortable, so effortless, that I never questioned the existence of another path. Once I laid eyes on it, I instantly knew it had actually been there all along. This other path, at times, is very difficult to travel, dimly lit, and filled with twists, turns, hills and valleys. Sometimes it's a quiet path, where you walk alone for miles, wondering if anyone else is even there.  Once I took the leap from the old path to the new one, I immediately knew I was not the same anymore. I felt free. I felt strong, and brave. Not any words I would have ever used to describe myself before. So I kept on that path, and I learned several things. I learned that the path I chose leads to my destiny, my peace, the divine. Over the years, it has challenged me to step out of my comfort zone, think outside the walls of my own understanding, and place complete faith in something I can't see, or touch. In a world searching for purpose, only to find the blind leading the blind, I have been given a wonderful gift of a Lamp to light my path.

Do I still have fears? Sure, at times. Especially when I take my eyes off of God and try to work in my own limited knowledge and strength. Is life perfect? Not a chance, but my peace is perfect, even in the storms, even in the trials, even when I fail. It is because my peace is not something I conjured up myself, but has been given to me by Jesus, who is the Prince of Peace. Do I ever regret leaving my first path for the second? Never.

~

Enter through the narrow gate.
For wide is the gate
and broad is the road
that leads to destruction,
and many enter through it. 
But small is the gate
and narrow the road
that leads to life,
and only a few find it. 
Matthew 7:13 (NIV)

~

If, on the day that I was presented with the choice of the two paths, I would have chosen according to my fears, I would probably still be on that other path to this day. Fear is the polar opposite of faith, and it is what keeps many of us bound and blind. As cliché as it may sound, I have found a freedom that I never knew when I strolled along the other path. It's ironic how having the freedom to do whatever you want-whatever feels right at the time, ends up doing nothing more than placing us in chains. We live in regret from all the horrible choices we've made that didn't quite turn out exactly as we had planned.  Even more ironic is how, when we choose to place ourselves under the submission of God, His rules and His ways, we end up with a freedom we never knew existed.

~

My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord.

“And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.

For just as the heavens are higher than the earth,

so my ways are higher than your ways

and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.

“The rain and snow come down from the heavens

and stay on the ground to water the earth.

They cause the grain to grow,

producing seed for the farmer

and bread for the hungry.

It is the same with my word.

I send it out, and it always produces fruit.

It will accomplish all I want it to,

and it will prosper everywhere I send it.

You will live in joy and peace.

The mountains and hills will burst into song,

and the trees of the field will clap their hands!

Isaiah 55:8-12 (NLT)

~

So, if I asked you today, what path you are on, what would you tell me? Maybe you don't even know. Maybe you have never even thought about it before. Equally important, do you know why you choose to stay on the path you are on, regardless of which one it is? We should walk with purpose, wherever we are walking. We can have such drive and purpose, running full steam ahead, on a path that is completely wrong, and all we will be doing is getting nowhere, fast. We can also be on the right path, but only walking halfheartedly, never reaching our intended goal. My prayer is that each one of us walks on the right path, with great purpose and a heart that wants everything God has in His plan for us. There is, after all, no greater life than that.