When Mama Prayed

November 23, 1994. Thanksgiving Day. The Lord woke my Mother and began speaking words to her for each of her children. I have carried that handwritten paper in my purse ever since that day. The edges are torn, the corners bent, but every once in a while, I pull it out and reread the words of the Lord spoken through my Mom that day. My spirit has always bore witness to that powerful word, but my head could not conceive how God was going to bring it about.

"I called you before you were born and I knew the plans that I have for you before you were even conceived. I have done a new and wonderful work in you in these days but it is just the beginning. You have experienced my presence and my love in a new and personal way that you may know without a doubt how much I care for you. Enjoy these times of refreshment. Remember them when the enemy comes to bring doubt and confusion into your mind regarding the purposes I have for your life. All you have come through I have allowed to enlarge your heart and give you greater understanding of the sufferings of mankind. In My time and in My way I will use you in My kingdom to be a balm and soothing word for hurting people. You must continue to learn of Me and to know My heart for only then will your words be healing for others. I will send you to places you never dreamed you would go. My anointing will be upon you but you must seek My face and seek My will in every circumstance. The enemy would try to put fear in your heart but know that I have not given you a spirit of fear but of love and power and a sound mind. My hedge has been put around you and you shall hear my Spirit say, 'This is the way, walk ye in it'.

Two years later, I met and married my husband in South Carolina. Through all the ups and downs, I clung to the word of the Lord, knowing that His purpose was going to break through if I didn't give up. Four years later, I find myself living in Arizona, smack dab on the Mexican border. More lessons. More preparation. Living with a culture that would touch my heart in a way I never imagined.  My Spanish improved. I saw so much beauty and goodness. I also saw the strongholds and the chains that kept a nation enslaved. Ten years later, I woke up in South Carolina again, with new vision, a strong marriage and a heart for God to use us again. Attacks came from every side. Financial instability. Battling religious spirits. Troubled relationships within my extended family. More tests. More lessons. The Lord used the events in the natural to position us on the path He desired for us to walk. Sixteen years later, we arrive in Belton, South Carolina.  The fine tuning begins. Stepping stones bring us to Redemption World Outreach Center. He tells my husband to sit for a year and not get involved in any ministry. The Lord begins to pour into us. He brings confirmation of His purpose for us. He reinforces the words spoken to our hearts years ago. After sitting for one year, almost to the day, the Lord began to guide us again. Out of nowhere, we were invited to a Spanish ministry affiliated with Redemption. We begin training with Redemption's evangelistic ministry of Operation Go. More preparation. More lessons. Luis takes an apprentice job on Saturdays in a mechanic job to gain experience. He works hard in exchange for knowledge and experience, but no pay. Little did he realize that the Lord had another reason for leading him to that mechanic shop that day. The owners are brothers. Two Mexican men. Devout Catholics. Leaders in their church. While they imparted mechanics to Luis, Luis was imparting spiritual wisdom to them. And so the exchanged continued for many months of Saturdays. David, one of the brothers, has a hunger for the Lord. Many Saturdays the Holy Spirit moves in that shop, and tears well up in His eyes as he and Luis would talk. Last Saturday, David asked Luis to come to his house to lead a time of prayer. He expressed how he wanted more of God. He told Luis he wasn't going to tell his priest what he was doing. (Isn't it ironic how a religious spirit will oppose the things of God?) Luis ask our Pastor for wisdom and advice, all the while feeling like this was a door the Lord was opening. With confirmation from our Pastor, we headed over to David's home for what we thought was going to be prayer with he and his wife. When we arrived, two people turned into eight adults, and about twice as many teens and kids. They were all sitting, waiting for us to come. As we sat down, my mind flashed back to 1996 in Beaufort, South Carolina, the night I first saw my future husband. I remembered how more than a dozen men that night gave their lives to the Lord and used my husband's testimony to open their hearts. Then my eyes focused back on Luis. He was older now. Softer. More mature in so many ways. There was an ease and a confidence in his words, drawing from all that the Spirit has done in him and taught him over the years.  He shared his testimony with the group and had their full attention. He made them laugh. Some had tears. After his testimony, he shared about Paul in the Bible. A devout Jew. Followed the letter of the law. Grew up in the Church, heard about God all his life, believed he was doing right by killing Christians. Did all that until he had a real encounter with God on the road to Damascus. Then his whole world changed. Many of the people that were with us last night lived that same life. They had a head knowledge of God. They have heard about God all their lives. Last night, many of them had an encounter with God for the very first time. The Holy Spirit met them right where they were at. Tears flowed. Healing flowed. There was power. There was peace.

I am learning that God's purpose for my life isn't a destination to where I can arrive. It's not a place called "there" and I haven't made it THERE, yet. It's a daily walk, yielding to the Holy Spirit, being ready in season and out of season for where ever God leads me today. Each step building on the last. Nothing wasted. I am learning to flow more effectively. To listened more intently. To speak with courage and boldness. I am not seeking to be the "bomb" but the balm. New doors are opened. We are walking forward!

My favorite style of Spanish music. Simply beautiful!

I Give Myself Away

As we sang this song in church yesterday, the Lord began to speak to my heart. The face value meaning of this song is so valuable: we do need to give our lives to God and His purposes so that He can use us. God is never going to force us to yield to His will for our life. It must be a choice that we make. Only we can place our life in His hands. My deep desire is to be used by God. To follow Him completely. To be that light to the world that He calls us to be. But the more I sang, the more I heard a subtle truth the Lord wanted me to capture. "I give myself away, so you can use me", the song says.  My goal is for the Lord to use me, but according to this song, (and scripture) until I give my self away, it won't happen. Myself. My SELF. Self can easily be translated into flesh. That part in me that rears it's ugly head every once in a while, or maybe more often than that some days. It's the part of my character that opposes the will of God. Anything in me that contradicts God's word is flesh. Many times we talk of people walking in the "flesh" and it brings instant pictures to our mind of spot-light loving, proud, puffed up egotistical people who are only concerned with fulfilling their own desires are receiving accolades from everyone in their sphere of influence. I can say, without hesitation, that I am not one of those types of people. In fact, the polar opposite is probably a better picture of who I really am. I prefer to be in the background. I am more quiet and reserved. A good listener. Better one on one than in groups. But these characteristics of myself, if allowed to rule my life, are just another face of "flesh". It's a face that can be hidden easily from people, and disguised to look like humility. But many times, it is nothing more than knowing what God wants to do in and through you, but deciding that you aren't capable, talented or savvy enough to do it. We look at our own abilities and feel very incompetent. We wonder what we could possible contribute to God's big plan. And then, without even realizing it, we have disqualified ourselves completely. But remember what I said about flesh: it's anything that contradicts the word of God in our life. A defeated person is definitely not one that God can use. Or maybe more accurately, is not going to place themselves in a place where God can use them.

God has been stretching me in new ways lately. It feels a little uncomfortable because I haven't walked this path before, but deep inside I feel like it's right where I need to be walking. So I am at a crossroads. I can stay on the familiar path that is paved with security and comfort, or I can choose the path where each step is faith and takes me out of my comfort zone for a greater purpose. The second path is where my heart desires to go. It all comes down to this question: Am I willing to give my SELF away, so He can use me?