A Sentimental Journey

The alarm sounded at 5:30, but I was already awake with anticipation, and anxiety. All things considered, I actually got a decent night's rest, and I was able to roll out of bed before the second alarm. As I began to dress myself, I glanced over to see Lily sleeping motionless in her crib, completely oblivious to the fact that she was going to have a whole day without the hustle and bustle of her two brothers, whom she adores. I walked out of the bedroom, and heard a loud, excited whisper coming from the loft.

"Wake up, Jonathan!!" Josh exclaimed to his little brother. "It's time to get ready for school!!"

I was actually going to let them sleep until 6:00, but there was no turning back as they threw off the covers and sprung to their feet, practically running into the living room. With eyes still half shut, they came and gave me their usually good morning hugs, but this day, they were a little tighter, and a little more energetic than usual. They sat at the table waiting for breakfast, fidgeting in their seats and talking about how much fun they were going to have. Breakfast, done. Devotion, read. Clothes, on. Lily, changed, dressed, fed. Luis, breakfast and lunch ready...everything seemed to be rolling smoothly. So far, I hadn't even gotten the least bit teary at the thought of dropping the boys off at school for their first day, ever. Backpacks in hand, they climbed in the car while I secured Lily in the back seat. I kissed Luis goodbye, and he made the rounds, praying for each one, and giving kisses. We were off!

As the miles ticked by, I noticed Josh was quiet. He looked over at me and said,

"My stomach hurts...I am a little nervous...but I am MUCH more excited than nervous."

"You sound just like I used to feel on my first day of school" I reassured him. "It will feel better as the day goes on, don't worry."

We pulled up to the drop off point, and Josh got out. He put on his back pack, grabbed his supply bag, and walked into the school. I told him goodbye, and that I loved him, but he didn't say a word. He fixed his eyes on the door, and entered a new chapter in his life.

As I pulled out of the parking lot, I choked back several tears. Jonathan was still sitting quietly in the back seat, looking at a paper that he had been coloring.

"Next stop, Marshall Primary" I said with as happy a voice as I could project, while trying not to show my tears or let my voice quiver.

"Yay!" he said, and settled into his seat and began coloring once again.

I pulled up to the drop off point for Jonathan's school, and there wasn't a teacher outside waiting, as I had anticipated. Selfishly, I wanted to just have him walk to the door from the car like Josh did, without having to get out and walk him all the way into his school. Not because it was going to be a bother, but because I feared that the longer it took for me to get him into the school, and settled, the more likely I was to start crying right there in the middle of the hallway. I looked at his little face, and said to him,

"Do you want me to walk you to your class?"

"OK, sure." he said, with a relieved look on his face.

We went and parked, and walked in together. We entered the cafeteria (the waiting place) and after hugs and kisses, he went to the table to sit and wait for his teacher. I walked out with Lily, and managed to hold back my tears until we reached the car. Driving home, I needed windshield wipers for my eyeballs! What a sentimental, emotional Mama I am. Sometimes I get so mad at myself, because it seems like the only way my body knows how to express emotion is through tears. But then, I remember that I am fearfully and wonderfully made, and for some reason, God has given me a tender heart. Instead of fighting it, I need to just learn to appreciate it, for there are far worse things.

So here I am...sitting at the kitchen table, with little Lily in her highchair beside me. I can hear each tick of the clock. I have a million and one things I could be doing right now, but I wanted to write every last detail down from this very special morning. I miss my boys already, and from now until 2:50 seems like an eternity. I still have teary eyes, and I feel as emotional as I did when I was pregnant. I feel much like Josh did ths morning, sick and excited all wrapped up in a neat little ball int he pit of my stomach. I know the boys are having a great time, making new friends is something that comes very easy to both of them. As for me, I am going to enjoy a cup of coffee, and some Lily time.