One of my favorite memories from High School was our senior class trip. It was a three day excursion to New York City, and by the time it was over, I was dripping wet with culture. We went to Museums, China Town, Central Park, Macy's, (what do you mean there is no culture in Macy's??)...we hit the subways, the ferry to Staten Island, and the taxis to exquisite French restaurants and the infamous (yet since closed down) Mama Leone's. But hands down, without question, my most favorite part of our trip was the theatre. I really enjoyed Tyne Daly's Gypsy, and Kevin Kline was fabulous in the off-Broadway production of Hamlet...but nothing quite compared to The Phantom of the Opera, right smack dab in the middle of Broadway. To this day, the music still moves me. Maybe because it was my first exposure to professional theatre, big lights, bright city, etc...but whatever it was, it was breathtaking and unforgettable. In the musical, there is a scene "Masquerade"...beautiful costumes, extravagant masks...very flashy and exciting, yet a little on the strange side. With the flurry of dancing and activity in this scene, and the masks covering the faces, you couldn't tell who was who. I suppose was the effect they were going for. Recently I watched a video of that scene, and I was reminded how I have always hated masks...I remember at the Fayetteville Mall where I grew up in New York, there was a K.B. Toy store. They always had a larger than life sized soldier dressed employee standing out in front of the store, waiting to scare the wits out of each and every child that dared to pass by. I would deliberately cross to the other side of the mall, just to avoid contact with that soldier. At an even younger age, I remember my parents taking us to the circus when it came to town, and to clowns in all their make-up caused me to fill that big top with my shrills and screams...Anyway, I guess I have never like seeing someone's face covered. It sort of freaks me out. Consequently, I have never been one to ever wear a mask. To the degree of my disdain for these types of silly disguises, I have the same repulsion to the masks that people try to put on to make us believe that they are something they are not...or to cover up what they really are.. Both, to me, are pointless because sooner or later, truth will be revealed and the illusion is over. Moreover, the way that you are perceived from that point on will never be the same again. There is a sudden distrust, and lack of confidence because what we had believed to be reality was, in fact, nothing more than a facade. Recently, I was told that I "wore a mask and that I was hiding secrets to cover up my true feelings and fears about my marriage and life". I have to admit, I actually laughed when I heard this. If anything, I feel like sometimes I share too much of my private life, that I become an open book. I mean, all you have to do is read this blog for ten minutes to see that my life is basically laid out entry by entry. I choose to make it just that because I know that there are people right now that are going through some of the very same struggles I went through in the past. If I can help shed any light, and point someone to Jesus for strength and wisdom through the testimonies that I share, I feel that exposing myself is more than worth the risk of being mocked or judged by my past mistakes. So when I was accused of hiding behind a mask, I was really speechless. After a few minutes of not knowing what to say, I suddenly began to realize that this person had no idea who I was, even though we had been tightly connected a little over a decade ago. It also became very evident how much I had grown and evolved over those years, yet this person seemed to stay exactly the same, and believed that I did as well. I realized that this person had actually been the one wearing the mask, and it had been worn for so long, that I think it actually fooled everyone...right down to the one wearing it...at least until now.
Just like the Phantom of the Opera, every mask wearer has a secret and a scar. There comes a time in every mask wearers life when the mask not only blocks everyone from seeing the real you, but it also begins to block you from seeing yourself clearly. The longer the mask is worn, the more accustomed you get to wearing it, until you feel like it is a part of you. But every once in a while, the Light shines just right, and the mask is revealed to those around you. You still believe that you are completely hidden, but it is only because the revealing Light has shown so brightly that you can't see the reactions on the faces of the one's who were once so fooled. Now more curious than ever, the onlookers both near and far beg you to remove the mask to reveal the real you underneath. But only you can take off the disguise. Only you can choose to be vulnerable to the truth. And until that mask comes off, nothing will ever change.
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