Lighten up!

Tonight, while being out in Hampton for soccer practice, we ran into an acquaintance who has a son the same age as Josh. In the course of the conversation, the mom said, "we need to have Josh overnight some weekend". To which I gave my prepared, (yet cordial) reply, "Well, we don't really do over-nighters." When she pushed the issue a little further, I told her that the only place that my kids are allowed to stay the night (other than their own home, of course), is at their Aunt's house in Hampton. The over enthusiastic mom informed me that I needed to, in her words, "Lighten up". My immediate thought was, "THAT, deary, is precisely why he won't be going over to your house", but I refrained. So I left it at, "well, we'll see". Last time I checked, our duty as a parent was to lead, protect, guide and shape our children, in the way that we, as parents, deem prudent. I lean more on the strict side, because I have learned it is much easier to let out a little more reign when appropriate, then to try to find the reigns when they have been released too fast, and are flailing wildly in the wind. I have also learned the hard way that there are consequences to every choice...positive or negative, and these consequences are like writing with indelible ink on the recesses of our hearts. While our children are small, they do not have the wherewithall to make these life altering choices for themselves. That is why we don't leave six year olds home alone, or allow three year olds to use anything sharp! Well, the car ride home was an interesting one, filled with pouting and anger on the part of Josh who, in his six year old mind, thinks "no" is the end of his world. I told Josh that Dad and I would have to discuss the issue, but I felt pretty sure that he would not be spending the night at any one's house, except allowed family. So Josh, being the go-getter that he is, raced up the stairs to the front porch where he intercepted his Dad, and started to list all the reasons why he wanted to spend the night at his friend's house. Luis listened for about five minutes, then he gave a definitive "no". We then spent the next 15 minutes telling Josh that even though he doesn't understand or agree, we have the responsibility to make decisions based on what is best for him, and not based on what others feel is right. Not an easy concept for a six year old.

I had a nice conversation with my Mom tonight, and I told her about this situation. It reminded me of the strict rules I had growing up. Many of them which I didn't understand, but being the law of the land (Kellishland), I went along with. Not always happily, and not always quietly, but went along with, nevertheless. My parents had such wisdom...and there was no floundering on what they thought or said. They were often judged by acquaintances in their community, but stood their ground and held to their convictions. As an adult, I so appreciate the standard that they strove to instill in us, even though I may not have, as a child.

So I told Luis about the "lighten up" comment. And, as often occurs with English (Spanish) sayings, they don't translate very well. We are used to translating them for each other at a drop of a hat. I told him it was like saying, "don't take life so seriously". As I listened to the words roll off my tongue, I was struck by the power of that statement. And the reality of that statement. Life IS serious. Everyday, there is a battle going on for people's souls, children's' minds, marriages...as a parent, I think almost daily about the charge that I have been given to raise my children in a Godly way, and that I will someday give an account for what I did and didn't do, when they were young and in my care. I believe one of the enemy's greatest desires is to lull us into a false belief that "everything is OK, so sit back and relax!" Too many people have lightened up so much that they have lost priceless ground in their community and in their homes. Life is too short, too precious, and too fragile to take it too lightly. I probably won't be receiving the Mom-of-the-year award from my children as long as my "no" counters their, "Can I do, go, have", etc, etc, etc. And in case you are still wondering, other than the results from my aerobics and healthy dieting, I won't be "lightening up" on many other issues any time in this decade.

~~~

Words to live and love by:

"Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it." Proverbs 22:6(niv)