Right between the eyes!

I have been attending a ladies Bible study for the past three weeks along with my sister and several other women from church. We are studying a book entitled "Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World", by Joanne Weaver. I was really excited about the class when I signed up...sounded like a topic that was for "today's Christian woman"! The first class, the leader asked "How many "Martha's" do we have in this room? I scanned the room and realized that most of the hands were raised...mine, however, was not. I guess I didn't really consider myself the "Martha" type. I always imagined her as the June Cleaver of the Bible times...busy cleaning house, frantically preparing a meal for Jesus and his travelling companions...doing all those stereotypical womanly tasks...and to be honest, I really don't stress out over that sort of thing. If I had to be utterly truthful, I am not at all bothered if I sit down on the couch while the boys' toys are scattered around the living room...(that is, until there's an unexpected knock at the door, then I turn into this raving lunatic, heaving large quantities of "whatever" into the nearest closet!). I have to also admit, I enjoy the peaceful feeling of a clean house...but sometimes I settle for the "eclectic" (haha) style...OK, simply put, I can be pretty lazy! Week two came around, and I was feeling more like this class was not really going to benefit me at all...but I had committed to it, and so I decided that maybe I would learn something...some nugget that I could tuck in my pocket...to help some stressed out "Martha" that came across my path...(yes, that thought actually went through my head!). Anyway, this past Tuesday night, I picked up my book and dove into the third Chapter, entitled The Diagnosis. Within the first few sentences, I saw that the focus of this chapter was on worry and anxiety. As I ended the first page, I began to think back to when I was young. I was your classic "worry wart". You name it, I worried about it. If you didn't name it, I worried why you didn't!! Many of the (now) funny stories that I remember from my childhood, related to a specific fear I had. Fear of dogs, fear of being the center of attention, fear of the unknown...I was a chronic nail biter...always at Mom's hip...and had knots in my stomach several times a week over this or that. As I grew older, my child comforts were less accessible and/or proper, and my fears turned into what seemed like episodes on the brink of an anxiety attack...a terrible feeling, but never so far gone that I couldn't talk or pray myself out of it. Thankfully, by God's grace, I do not have those moments to that degree any longer. Sure, every once in while, fear will try to grip me when something out of the ordinary happens, but those are few and far between, and nothing like I used to experience. Anyway, I was reading this chapter, and finding my past, and some of my present mingling with the words. My fears were an inward battle, one that I didn't like to talk about...taboo...but as I read, I started to realize that this author thought a lot like me. I wasn't as crazy as I thought I was...or at least, I wasn't the only one! It was as though a light went on in my head, and scriptures that I had read many times before, suddenly illuminated the recesses of my heart's past, giving me an understanding that I never had before about the fears that used to, and sometimes still, capture my attention. One of the statements jumped right out at me...so simple...yet so profound at the same time...

"What we worry about": 40% are things that will never happen. 30% are about the past-which can't be changed. 12% are about criticism by others, mostly untrue. 10% are about health, which gets worse with stress. 8% are about real problems that can be solved."

I began to see my worries (past and present) for what they really were, and decided that if my worrying will not do a single thing to change the situation for the better, then why waste my time, energy, and health, worrying about it...turn it into a prayer and let God handle it. I can honestly say that once I let that truth take up residence in my heart, I was changed. I even physically felt different. I drove home the other night, a little after dusk, and I realized that for the first time since we moved back to S.C., I wasn't worried about hitting a deer, and what would Luis do when I was gone, and how would the children turn out without a Mom...I realized that my worrying about it, wasn't going to change the deer and his destination...but my prayers for safety could and would. And I also remember thinking that even if I did have an accident, that I can rest knowing that I and my family are in the Lord's hands, and I felt great peace. No beads of sweat...no white-knuckling the steering wheel. I am continually amazed at how much we can "know" something in our head, but it doesn't make that short journey to our heart...and I am also amazed at how quick we are to say that something "is not really for me"...but then, if we allow ourselves to get down to the real nitty-gritty, it's been the one thing that we have really needed all along. So, as you can probably imagine, I am looking forward to the next class. It's not for 6 days, and I have already read the next chapter. (This author and I must have met before!!) All I can say is that the Lord is gentle and kind and his ways are perfect. He knows when it is the appointed time to reveal a truth about us, to ourselves, in a way that won't throw us into a blind tail spin, but ever so kindly peels back the layers, reveals the wound, and applies the ointment...the balm that has the power to not only heal, but even remove the scars...for that, I am truly in awe.